[identity profile] candiedkitty.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] booshslashhaven
Originally posted by [livejournal.com profile] candiedkitty at The Mighty Boosh Baby Ch 1
Title: The Mighty Boosh Baby Chapter 1
Fandom: The Mighty Boosh, Howince
Characters: Howard, Vince, Naboo, Bollo, Lance
Pairing: Howard/Vince
Rating: NC-17
Summary: So I like to think that Howard and Vince are a dysfunctional married couple for the entire series. I may even rewrite some episodes with that little element for fun. But for now, here's this thing. I saw some requests on forums and thought what the heck, why not. Enjoy.
Genre: Comedy, Slash, Romance, Fluff
Warning: Contains lemon, mpreg
Word count: 1787

Vince held up the little, pink bottle. "For Luxur-iance due to...aridity." He'd been going through Naboo's stuff again. He was pretty self conscious even after defeating Lance and his so-inaccurate-subordinates. Howard's comment on his hair hit home. He looked in the mirror again and patted at different angles. Unsatisfied, he uncorked the bottle and downed it. It tasted rather nice and he even felt like he looked better already. He smiled into the mirror, did a pose and a little nod.

That was until he collapsed later. Howard caught him though, he was kneeling on the floor. Vince could hear his voice calling faintly.

"Vince...Vince...Vince are you alright!?"

He groaned and sat up, "Oh Howard, that was well weird..."

"Weird? That was horrifying!"

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize dear. Are you okay now?"

"Yeah, I think s- Auugh!" He cried out, curling up. A sharp pain shot through his stomach.

"Vince!" Howard gave him a little shake. Bollo came out in a hurry.

"Bollo hear Vince in trouble. What Howard do!?" Bollo squared him up.

He unconsciously held Vince closer, "I didn't do anything! Something's wrong, get Naboo!"

Vince lay groaning on the couch. Naboo felt his forehead, "He feels fine. Any other symptoms?" Howard shook his head.

"Vince, can you 'ear me? How're you feelin'? Vince...!" Naboo leaned over him.

His blurry face came into focus in Vince's vision as the pain subsided. He sat up looking around. "I'm feelin'...alot better now, actually."

Naboo scrunched his face up, "...You been going through my stuff again?"

"No..." He replied uncertainly. Seeing Naboo's unconvinced expression he confessed, "Maybe..."

"Auh, Vince!" Naboo huffed flipping his arms.

"What? I'm sorry! It's just that...I needed a little more boost for my hair..." He pat his hair turning away. Looking back with that look not even Naboo could be mad. Who could resist those big, sad blue eyes?

"Alright then, What'd you take?" He held his hand out.

Pulling the little volumetric flask out of who knows where in his red Joan Jett jumpsuit, he handed it to Naboo. "Is it bad juju?" Vince asked worriedly.

"Um...you should be...fine actually..." Which confused the shaman. Stuff was never fine.

"Oh, good." He grinned at Naboo then at Howard, who still stooped next to him but his expression didn't change.

Naboo put the empty flask into his pocket. "A word, Howard."

Howard followed him out of the room as did Bollo. "Bollo, what're you doin'? Get out now!" The ape scurried out of the kitchen. Naboo didn't trust him tattling off to Vince.

Howard knew it couldn't be as fine as that, "So...what's the catch?"

"I'm not too sure, eh." He peeped at Vince in the other room chatting with the gorilla. "Just whatever Vince may do...make sure you don't bugger him for the next 6 days."

"Don't Bugger him!?" Howard furrowed his brows.

"You know you lump mug, hanky-panky, bonk, shag, intercourse, wha'ever you wanna call it." He waved his hands around in frustrated exaggeration.

"Oh I know what it means! But for six days...why?"

"I'm not exactly sure, yeah. But just don't alright? I'll confirm later."

Howard looked at him suspiciously, "Okay..."

"Well that's it. Don't just stand around. Get back to work." With that the Shaman exited. Howard groaned. He went back out and sat next to Vince. "You feelin' alright?"

Vince smiled at him, "Never better."

"You don't feel...anything weird do you?" He asked stiffly.

"No, why?" He picked up a magazine.

"Just checking."

Vince nodded at him. He got up and returned to cleaning the shop, glancing at Vince ever so often. He seemed fine enough as he read his magazine, so Howard let his worries to rest and focused on his work.


"I got a bad feelin' about dis." Bollo commented as he took his turn on the hookah.

"Oh be quiet, you ball bag. Always sputtering untimely nonsense." He blew out some smoke and began the journey into his high.


It was only until later that night Howard was faced with the predicament.

"Howaaard." Vince wrapped his arms around his middle from behind. He turned in the grasp to face Vince.

"You look tired, you should go to sleep, little man."

Vince pouted, "Come with meee." He pressed his chin into Howard's chest looking up at him. He could hardly resist those big icy blue pools, calling him in. "You can finish whatever pointless thing you're doing tomorrow."

"I'll have you know stock taking is v-" Vince shut him up with a tiptoed kiss.

"Come on now." Vince blinked at him sleepily.

Howard sighed, "You're right, I suppose.

Vince gave him a cheeky grin, "Al-right." He let the smaller man pull him along to their bedroom.

Howard reached over and turned off the lamp, "Goodnight." He said quickly and lay on his side, facing away from Vince.

"Oi. What are you doin'? He perched up on his elbows, "Come cuddle me." Slowly Howard turned, onto his back first, giving a two second prayer to the ceiling for strength and then to face Vince. "You're being weird." He said softly before enveloping himself into the broad chest.

Taking it as a sign of safety, he wrapped his arms around him tightly. Until Vince began grinding on him. Howard pretended to ignore it. Then he slid his hand down and gave his member a squeeze.

"Howard..." He sing sang seductively.

"Vince..." Howard pulled the sneaky hand away.

He looked up at Howard suddenly, with an aggravated expression, "Something the matter?"

"No, no...it's just that Naboo said...you should get lots of...rest after drinking the potion. Don't want it acting up again." He gave a pathetic smile.

"It's ma hair isn't it?" Vince sat up, "I've become dull and lifeless and now you don't want me anymore." He looked at Howard with a hurt expression that pulled at the man's heartstrings painfully.

"Of course not!" Howard sat up and went towards him, "Your hair's beautiful." He commented, making sure not to leave it out, "I'll always want you, no matter what."

Vince leaned back hesitantly, looking at him cautiously, "Really?"

"Really." Howard replied hugging him.

"Even if I woke up one day looking like Howard Stern?"

Howard looked to the side in confusion, "Uh, yes of course!"

He pulled his face back, "Then why won't you sleep with me?" he asked accusingly.

"Vince, what happened really gave me a scare earlier. I really don't want to see you like that again." Howard spoke genuinely, looking at Vince, worried. He couldn't tell him the other, actual real reason though. He'd throw a fit.

"Oh...alright." He replied, looking like a hurt kitten. He lay back down with Howard and they snuggled in close. Vince was not giving up just yet though.


"Howard..." Vince straddled the sleeping man. He poked his nose, hovering a few inches away from his face. "Howard..." He called out again.

Vince went flying backwards as Howard sat up in one swift movement. He landed on the bed in a soft 'oof'. "YOU CAN'T HAVE MY BEBOP...Oh. Mornin' Vince." He greeted nonchalantly. He flipped the covers dramatically as he got out of bed, which covered Vince, who, by the way, was only wearing his faux fur jacket, undies and favourite white boots.

He grabbed it off in a huff but Howard was already gone. He smacked the thick blanket in frustration. No one refused Vince Noir. No one in the history of ever.

Howard whistled idly as he did the pancakes. Vince came down and leaned in the doorway, this time in his disco ball jumpsuit. He had his arms folded. He bore holes into the back of Howard's head and tongued his upper gums. Howard knew he was there; his whistling got out of tune and he began to sweat. The pancakes were about ready but he couldn't turn around so he just stared at them.

He jumped when Vince snaked his arm around him. "Well I got rest, didn't I?"

"Ah yes..." Howard replied turning around. Vince looked up at him blankly at arms length, his hands still on the taller's wait. "But nutrition's quite important." He smiled putting the frying pan between them. Vince looked at it then back at Howard. It was a dangerous look.

He quickly prepared a plate and pushed it towards Vince on the opposite side of the island. Howard smiled at him nervously. Vince clicked his tongue and without breaking eye contact he pushed the plate away. "'m not hungry."

Howard pushed it back, "But Naboo said-" Vince pushed it back again.

"Naboo said rest. I already did that. Or did he not?" Vince squinted at him.

Howard felt sweat run down his chest. "H-he did..."

"You're lying..." Vince stated in a low voice. "I knew it!" He backed away, "I was right!"

"Vince, I assure no..." Howard stepped towards him, his hands up cautiously.

"No!" He backed away some more, "I'm not havin' any of your excuses!" Howard held him and he flailed about, "Don' touch me!"

Howard pressed their lips together and Vince calmed himself. Howard broke away and hugged him tightly, "I meant what I said...I love you." He kissed him on the head. Though Vince put out a confident, sometimes cocky image, he was actually quite insecure. All the confidents were. The lowest self esteems have the highest egos. Trying to fill in all the imperfections, spaces only they see, to show everyone else but themselves.

Vince looked up at him. Howard stared right back and leaned down. They kissed passionately. Vince wrapped his arms around his neck and felt himself being leaned backwards. Howard grabbed his bum and gave it a squeeze. His arms left Howard's neck to trail down his chest and unbutton his ugly brown Hawaiian shirt. He didn't even get to the first button when Lester's voice came calling through the boutique. Howard pulled away in a start with Vince still biting on his bottom lip.

"Oh, right!" He straightened up his clothes and silently thanked Lester for rescuing him from the trap he almost put himself in. "Sorry. Almost forgot." He kissed Vince quickly on the mouth, "See you la'er, love." And Howard was off again before he got a chance to say anything.

Howard hoped Naboo was working on getting the important information regarding the potion. Said shaman was at that same moment baking up some hashcakes. Giving instructions to Lord knows who again. Sometimes even he was a bit too high for himself.

Vince watched the door spitefully. He fiddled with the golden band around his ring finger and bit on his bottom lip. It was then he realised he was going about this all wrong.

Vince Noir has very large sleeves.

A/N: He really does. I want his wardrobe so bad. I loves it. Short chappies and not so long apologies. A little oral was supposed to happen here but...it didn't. Lol.
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