![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png)
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
Title: Buried Deep, part 2/?
Summary: The sleeping bags are cosily zipped together, but Vince doesn’t want Howard to fall asleep just yet
Rating: R to be on the safe side although we haven’t quite got as far as actual sex
Warnings: only my usual ones for soppiness and fluff
Spoilers: Howard’s still wearing his pyjamas
Length: about 1800 words
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, I just borrow them to play with every now and again. For twisted love, not for profit
Notes: Follows straight on from Part 1. There will be at least one more chapter to come (it was a long train trip) and there will be sex, I promise! Un-beta’d, so please point out errors. Concrit welcome: I want to get better at this.
“…Your whiskers still tickle in the right place.”
“I’m glad about that… Goodnight, little man.”
“G’night.” Vince wriggles just a little closer to Howard, breathing in his clean-Howard smell, feeling the pulse beating in Howard’s neck where Vince’s cheek is pressed against it.
He can’t resist reaching up one more time to feel the comforting tickle of those whiskers; but Howard has turned his head slightly, and Vince’s exploring fingers find only an unexpected dampness along the side of Howard’s nose.
“Howard?”
“Yeah?”
“You bin crying?”
“It was cold in the bathroom. And my eyes are tired.”
He’s been crying. Vince’s heart aches in a way he didn’t know it could. Big strong Howard, sobbing in the bathroom... “You could’ve stayed here to do that, you know.”
Howard sighs. “Sometimes…”
“A man needs to be alone with his music. I know. But cryin’s not music, is it? ’Tisn’t something you should do on your own.”
When Jahooli was taken away, he’d cried on his own for hours and hours, cried until he was limp and empty and his pillow was soaking. The not-Jahooli lay in the corner of the bedroom where he’d flung it, watching him with an unbearable silent sadness in its green eyes. Eventually he picked it up, meaning to hurl it out of the window, but ended up hugging it tight until somehow they managed to comfort each other.
Perhaps, even if Howard had turned out to be not-Howard, they would have found a way to do the same. Somehow.
He hugs Howard tight. “I’d have helped you. Like you helped me.”
“Thanks.” Howard is already drifting off to sleep. “Maybe next time, eh?” He eases Vince’s arm from round his ribcage.
Vince feels a sudden longing to kiss him again. He’s a bit surprised by this, and it’s rather scary, but not in a bad way. He doesn’t want Howard to be asleep, not yet. Perhaps he can keep him talking, just a bit longer.
“Howard?”
“Yes?”
“Was it my fault?”
“No, not really.”
“Then why –”
Howard draws a harsh breath through his nose, and moves a little further away. “Let’s just leave it, OK? It’s… complicated.”
Vince is intrigued now. He’s onto something here, although he’s not sure what. It’s like one of those faint stars you can’t see by looking straight at it, although when you look away it’s there, in the corner of your vision. He closes the gap between them, pressing as close as he dares to Howard’s right side.
“Howard?”
A resigned sigh. “What?”
“You know when you said it wasn’t about… that?”
The big body beside him tenses up. This is dangerous ground.
“It wasn’t,” Howard says flatly. “Look, I – ”
“Do you think it ever might be?”
There is a long silence. Vince can almost hear the cogwheels in Howard’s brain creaking as they process this presumably novel idea.
Vince is about to apologise and attempt to go to sleep after all, when Howard says carefully, “I dunno. Fraternising with one’s work colleagues is never advisable.”
“Didn’t stop you chasing after Mrs Gideon, though, did it?”
“That was different.”
Vince snorts. “Only diff’rence I can see is, that she wasn’t interested in you.”
“And you… are?” Howard’s voice catches on the last word.
“Well, yeah. Course I am. Why else would I be – ” Vince nudges his hardness against Howard’s hip.
“Oh.” Howard tenses up even more. Then he moves away again. Dammit, what’s he so afraid of? Vince’s disappointment is icier than the draught blowing into the gap between them.
“I think we should declare this conversation at an end,” Howard is saying. “We’re both tired, we need sleep, our rational judgement is compromised, we’ll regret it in the morning…”
Vince rolls onto his back, and bites his lip. What can he say? We’ve been tireder, there’s something we need even more, since when has my judgement ever been rational, and we so will not, no way, no sir.
But he doesn’t dare say any of those things, and Howard is slipping away from him, into the refuge of sleep where Vince can’t follow him.
A small voice says in Vince’s mind, Come on, you coward. It’s now or never. You went to hell and back for this man. You can’t let him run away from you now. And you know him so well. There must be a way… Ah, yes. Genius.
“Howard?”
“Shut up.”
Vince giggles. “Make me.”
There is a sharp intake of breath from beside him.
Then Howard rolls on his side, props himself on an elbow, and growls: “Well, sir, you asked for this.”
And leans over and kisses Vince firmly on the mouth.
Result.
The faint glimmer of the star comes into sharp focus, and the two of them are in a new and better place, a strawberry-bubblebath-scented universe where all sorts of new things are suddenly possible.
Including… that.
Vince puts a hand behind Howard’s neck and pulls him in harder, just in case he should change his mind, although he’s showing no sign of it. Howard’s lips part, and it’s all a bit clumsy and rather wetter than Vince would have said was ideal, but it’s just the best thing ever, because it’s Howard doing it. And whoever would have thought –
Vince pulls away, with sudden apprehension.
“Hang on, this ain’t supposed to ’appen.”
“Says who?” Howard is elated, glowing. He’s probably visible from space.
“It’s just – well, I’d always thought it’d take you ages to come round. That we’d have to be just-friends for years and years more, and have loads of stupid arguments and stuff, before you even noticed I even liked you.”
“Well, after tonight I can’t pretend I didn’t notice, can I?”
“S’pose not.” Vince nudges against Howard’s side again.
Howard laughs. “I didn’t mean… that. Well, not just that. I meant…”
Vince takes his hand and links their fingers together. “I know what you meant. Trust me to pick a stupid way to get it through to you. All that mud ’n’ everything.”
“I’m sorry it was so hard for you.”
Vince sniggers.
Howard pokes him in the ribs. “Oi. This is difficult enough for me without you being facetious, sir.”
“I know.” Vince kisses him again, gently. “Thought you’d never understand.”
“Vince?”
“Mmm?”
“You did mean what you wrote on my coffin lid, didn’t you?”
“Course I did. You’re a Very Important Person. The very importantest. I’m not completely illegitimate, you know.”
“Illiterate,” Howard murmurs.
“Or that.”
“Vince?”
“Howard.”
“I… You…” Howard appears to be choking. Maybe he needs another kiss, to clear his airway.
It seems to work. Howard draws a long, shuddering breath, and the words come tumbling out, although they don’t all seem to be in the right order. “What you went through… and I made you go through it on your own… I thought everything was just back to normal… and I’m sorry… and…”
“C’m’ere, ya big Northern prat. I know what you’re tryin’ to say. So you can stop tryin’ to say it.”
Vince’s heart is overflowing with affection. He pulls Howard in close, and holds him until he stops shaking.
“Howard?”
“What?” Howard’s voice is muffled against Vince’s shoulder.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything. But you already know the answer’s yes. Yes, I am the real Howard Moon.”
“I wasn’t going to ask that.”
“Yes, it might one day be about… that?”
“Closer. But I wasn’t going to ask that either.”
“What, then?”
This is so scary. And the answer so has to be yes… Vince takes a deep breath. Now or never.
“Howard?”
“Yes, Vince?”
“Do you love me?”
“Answer’s still yes, Vince. You know it.” Howard props himself on his elbow again, and leans over for another kiss. “And now I know it too. I love you so much that I don’t know what to do.”
Vince has never seen him like this, all fierce and happy. And a little bit afraid, too, but defiantly determined not to let that stop him.
“I don’t know what to do,” Howard repeats, and his breath catches in his throat.
Vince strokes his back. “It’s OK, Howard. I do.”
He kisses Howard’s mouth, unable to resist the temptation of those whiskers; then pulls him down onto his side, with his head on Vince’s left shoulder. He can feel Howard’s heartbeats shaking his ribcage; his own are pounding in his ears. Howard Moon is his, and in his arms, and not wearing enough to present any serious obstacle to… whatever Vince might choose to do…
But he has to get this right. Unlike most other things in Vince’s rather carefree life so far, this matters.
This time, incompetence is not an option. If he screws this up, not even Naboo will be able to sort out the mess that will result.
No pressure, then.
Vince starts slowly, stroking Howard’s broad back, feeling each curve and plane through the thin pyjama cotton. As Howard relaxes against him, Vince expands his area of exploration downwards, into the little hollow at the base of Howard’s spine, then moves his hand round to rest on Howard’s hip.
Howard moans faintly, and Vince stills his movements.
“Anything you don’t want,” he whispers, “just say.”
“And – anything I do?”
Unexpected, this is. Vince kisses Howard with love and gratitude. “That, too. Even the hair.”
Howard laughs softly, and runs his fingers through Vince’s mane, dry now, albeit in a tangled mess that ordinarily would bother him but at the moment seems completely unimportant.
“You really do love me, don’t you?” Howard’s smile is brilliant in the dim light of the hut. “I’d always wondered what this would feel like. And it feels better than I dared imagine.”
“Me too.” Vince slides his hand under Howard’s pyjama top, tracing the lines of his ribs, savouring the warmth and fragrance of Howard’s clean skin. He touches one of Howard’s neat nipples, which is instantly hard under his fingertip; Howard arches against Vince’s side.
He’s hard there too, and he must know that Vince can feel it, but it doesn’t seem to be bothering him any more.
Best ask before moving into such private territory, though. Just in case.
“You want me to…?” Vince pushes his hip gently against that tempting bulge.
“Well, yeah… but I’m a bit… it’s rather...”
Bless him.
“You haven’t done this before.”
“You know I haven’t. I’m a white blank page, Vince.”
“Don’t worry. Whatever story we write together tonight, I promise it’ll have a happy ending.”
Summary: The sleeping bags are cosily zipped together, but Vince doesn’t want Howard to fall asleep just yet
Rating: R to be on the safe side although we haven’t quite got as far as actual sex
Warnings: only my usual ones for soppiness and fluff
Spoilers: Howard’s still wearing his pyjamas
Length: about 1800 words
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, I just borrow them to play with every now and again. For twisted love, not for profit
Notes: Follows straight on from Part 1. There will be at least one more chapter to come (it was a long train trip) and there will be sex, I promise! Un-beta’d, so please point out errors. Concrit welcome: I want to get better at this.
“…Your whiskers still tickle in the right place.”
“I’m glad about that… Goodnight, little man.”
“G’night.” Vince wriggles just a little closer to Howard, breathing in his clean-Howard smell, feeling the pulse beating in Howard’s neck where Vince’s cheek is pressed against it.
He can’t resist reaching up one more time to feel the comforting tickle of those whiskers; but Howard has turned his head slightly, and Vince’s exploring fingers find only an unexpected dampness along the side of Howard’s nose.
“Howard?”
“Yeah?”
“You bin crying?”
“It was cold in the bathroom. And my eyes are tired.”
He’s been crying. Vince’s heart aches in a way he didn’t know it could. Big strong Howard, sobbing in the bathroom... “You could’ve stayed here to do that, you know.”
Howard sighs. “Sometimes…”
“A man needs to be alone with his music. I know. But cryin’s not music, is it? ’Tisn’t something you should do on your own.”
When Jahooli was taken away, he’d cried on his own for hours and hours, cried until he was limp and empty and his pillow was soaking. The not-Jahooli lay in the corner of the bedroom where he’d flung it, watching him with an unbearable silent sadness in its green eyes. Eventually he picked it up, meaning to hurl it out of the window, but ended up hugging it tight until somehow they managed to comfort each other.
Perhaps, even if Howard had turned out to be not-Howard, they would have found a way to do the same. Somehow.
He hugs Howard tight. “I’d have helped you. Like you helped me.”
“Thanks.” Howard is already drifting off to sleep. “Maybe next time, eh?” He eases Vince’s arm from round his ribcage.
Vince feels a sudden longing to kiss him again. He’s a bit surprised by this, and it’s rather scary, but not in a bad way. He doesn’t want Howard to be asleep, not yet. Perhaps he can keep him talking, just a bit longer.
“Howard?”
“Yes?”
“Was it my fault?”
“No, not really.”
“Then why –”
Howard draws a harsh breath through his nose, and moves a little further away. “Let’s just leave it, OK? It’s… complicated.”
Vince is intrigued now. He’s onto something here, although he’s not sure what. It’s like one of those faint stars you can’t see by looking straight at it, although when you look away it’s there, in the corner of your vision. He closes the gap between them, pressing as close as he dares to Howard’s right side.
“Howard?”
A resigned sigh. “What?”
“You know when you said it wasn’t about… that?”
The big body beside him tenses up. This is dangerous ground.
“It wasn’t,” Howard says flatly. “Look, I – ”
“Do you think it ever might be?”
There is a long silence. Vince can almost hear the cogwheels in Howard’s brain creaking as they process this presumably novel idea.
Vince is about to apologise and attempt to go to sleep after all, when Howard says carefully, “I dunno. Fraternising with one’s work colleagues is never advisable.”
“Didn’t stop you chasing after Mrs Gideon, though, did it?”
“That was different.”
Vince snorts. “Only diff’rence I can see is, that she wasn’t interested in you.”
“And you… are?” Howard’s voice catches on the last word.
“Well, yeah. Course I am. Why else would I be – ” Vince nudges his hardness against Howard’s hip.
“Oh.” Howard tenses up even more. Then he moves away again. Dammit, what’s he so afraid of? Vince’s disappointment is icier than the draught blowing into the gap between them.
“I think we should declare this conversation at an end,” Howard is saying. “We’re both tired, we need sleep, our rational judgement is compromised, we’ll regret it in the morning…”
Vince rolls onto his back, and bites his lip. What can he say? We’ve been tireder, there’s something we need even more, since when has my judgement ever been rational, and we so will not, no way, no sir.
But he doesn’t dare say any of those things, and Howard is slipping away from him, into the refuge of sleep where Vince can’t follow him.
A small voice says in Vince’s mind, Come on, you coward. It’s now or never. You went to hell and back for this man. You can’t let him run away from you now. And you know him so well. There must be a way… Ah, yes. Genius.
“Howard?”
“Shut up.”
Vince giggles. “Make me.”
There is a sharp intake of breath from beside him.
Then Howard rolls on his side, props himself on an elbow, and growls: “Well, sir, you asked for this.”
And leans over and kisses Vince firmly on the mouth.
Result.
The faint glimmer of the star comes into sharp focus, and the two of them are in a new and better place, a strawberry-bubblebath-scented universe where all sorts of new things are suddenly possible.
Including… that.
Vince puts a hand behind Howard’s neck and pulls him in harder, just in case he should change his mind, although he’s showing no sign of it. Howard’s lips part, and it’s all a bit clumsy and rather wetter than Vince would have said was ideal, but it’s just the best thing ever, because it’s Howard doing it. And whoever would have thought –
Vince pulls away, with sudden apprehension.
“Hang on, this ain’t supposed to ’appen.”
“Says who?” Howard is elated, glowing. He’s probably visible from space.
“It’s just – well, I’d always thought it’d take you ages to come round. That we’d have to be just-friends for years and years more, and have loads of stupid arguments and stuff, before you even noticed I even liked you.”
“Well, after tonight I can’t pretend I didn’t notice, can I?”
“S’pose not.” Vince nudges against Howard’s side again.
Howard laughs. “I didn’t mean… that. Well, not just that. I meant…”
Vince takes his hand and links their fingers together. “I know what you meant. Trust me to pick a stupid way to get it through to you. All that mud ’n’ everything.”
“I’m sorry it was so hard for you.”
Vince sniggers.
Howard pokes him in the ribs. “Oi. This is difficult enough for me without you being facetious, sir.”
“I know.” Vince kisses him again, gently. “Thought you’d never understand.”
“Vince?”
“Mmm?”
“You did mean what you wrote on my coffin lid, didn’t you?”
“Course I did. You’re a Very Important Person. The very importantest. I’m not completely illegitimate, you know.”
“Illiterate,” Howard murmurs.
“Or that.”
“Vince?”
“Howard.”
“I… You…” Howard appears to be choking. Maybe he needs another kiss, to clear his airway.
It seems to work. Howard draws a long, shuddering breath, and the words come tumbling out, although they don’t all seem to be in the right order. “What you went through… and I made you go through it on your own… I thought everything was just back to normal… and I’m sorry… and…”
“C’m’ere, ya big Northern prat. I know what you’re tryin’ to say. So you can stop tryin’ to say it.”
Vince’s heart is overflowing with affection. He pulls Howard in close, and holds him until he stops shaking.
“Howard?”
“What?” Howard’s voice is muffled against Vince’s shoulder.
“Can I ask you something?”
“Anything. But you already know the answer’s yes. Yes, I am the real Howard Moon.”
“I wasn’t going to ask that.”
“Yes, it might one day be about… that?”
“Closer. But I wasn’t going to ask that either.”
“What, then?”
This is so scary. And the answer so has to be yes… Vince takes a deep breath. Now or never.
“Howard?”
“Yes, Vince?”
“Do you love me?”
“Answer’s still yes, Vince. You know it.” Howard props himself on his elbow again, and leans over for another kiss. “And now I know it too. I love you so much that I don’t know what to do.”
Vince has never seen him like this, all fierce and happy. And a little bit afraid, too, but defiantly determined not to let that stop him.
“I don’t know what to do,” Howard repeats, and his breath catches in his throat.
Vince strokes his back. “It’s OK, Howard. I do.”
He kisses Howard’s mouth, unable to resist the temptation of those whiskers; then pulls him down onto his side, with his head on Vince’s left shoulder. He can feel Howard’s heartbeats shaking his ribcage; his own are pounding in his ears. Howard Moon is his, and in his arms, and not wearing enough to present any serious obstacle to… whatever Vince might choose to do…
But he has to get this right. Unlike most other things in Vince’s rather carefree life so far, this matters.
This time, incompetence is not an option. If he screws this up, not even Naboo will be able to sort out the mess that will result.
No pressure, then.
Vince starts slowly, stroking Howard’s broad back, feeling each curve and plane through the thin pyjama cotton. As Howard relaxes against him, Vince expands his area of exploration downwards, into the little hollow at the base of Howard’s spine, then moves his hand round to rest on Howard’s hip.
Howard moans faintly, and Vince stills his movements.
“Anything you don’t want,” he whispers, “just say.”
“And – anything I do?”
Unexpected, this is. Vince kisses Howard with love and gratitude. “That, too. Even the hair.”
Howard laughs softly, and runs his fingers through Vince’s mane, dry now, albeit in a tangled mess that ordinarily would bother him but at the moment seems completely unimportant.
“You really do love me, don’t you?” Howard’s smile is brilliant in the dim light of the hut. “I’d always wondered what this would feel like. And it feels better than I dared imagine.”
“Me too.” Vince slides his hand under Howard’s pyjama top, tracing the lines of his ribs, savouring the warmth and fragrance of Howard’s clean skin. He touches one of Howard’s neat nipples, which is instantly hard under his fingertip; Howard arches against Vince’s side.
He’s hard there too, and he must know that Vince can feel it, but it doesn’t seem to be bothering him any more.
Best ask before moving into such private territory, though. Just in case.
“You want me to…?” Vince pushes his hip gently against that tempting bulge.
“Well, yeah… but I’m a bit… it’s rather...”
Bless him.
“You haven’t done this before.”
“You know I haven’t. I’m a white blank page, Vince.”
“Don’t worry. Whatever story we write together tonight, I promise it’ll have a happy ending.”
no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 10:28 pm (UTC)I loved that conversation about how it should have taken them years to figure it out - maybe, had canon!Vince been as open about his feelings as your!Vince it wouldn't have had to take so long.
Same with Jahooli and how Vince and not-Howard could have helped each other. Stop breaking me!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-12 10:47 pm (UTC)Last line was one of those that came out of nowhere just as I'd got to the bit in my notes that says "[killer last line goes here]". Usually I have to spend ages thinking them up. Evidently being stuck on a train is good for my mind tank.
And since this chapter and all subsequent activity are inconsistent with canon, and that bothered me a bit, I dealt with it by making this kind-of an AU where they get together properly while they're still at the zoo. (I nicked the idea from the line in the Lord of the Rings film where Sam says "we shouldn't even be here". If it's good enough for Hollywood, it's good enough for me!)
Thanks for reading and commenting. And flailing!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 01:35 am (UTC)And that last line!! OMG :D
Looking forward to the sex chapter, he he! :D
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 01:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 08:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 02:14 am (UTC)Seriously, though, I haven't even read the first part- missed it on my flist somehow but figured I'd jump right in at part 2- and I love all the affection. I'm the sort of person who will read a super-hot porny fanfic and leave a glowing comment centered around one or two moments of sweetness or intensely good characterization rather than comment on the hotness of the sex, so this chapter hit all the right buttons for me. That doesn't mean I'm not looking forward to seeing Howard and Vince sexytimes in the next part, though. :P Great job!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 09:00 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it. It's the affection and the sweetness that I really love about these two, whether or not they have sex. Although in this particular story it's a more or less foregone conclusion...
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 02:59 am (UTC)Also, I remember being a little kid reading about a woman with an illegitimate baby and thinking that was a stupid thing to write since no babies know how to read.
Now you have to live up to your unintentionally porny title with the next part!
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 09:05 am (UTC)However. You can stop banging the cane. There will be action inside that sleeping bag shortly.
Now, will somebody pleeeease write me the Boosh covered in Nutella?
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 04:29 pm (UTC)I will be waiting impatiently. I won't harass you but know, in my heart, I am screaming PART THREE and beating my cane on the floor.
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 05:00 pm (UTC)You write lots more than just sex scenes. All that adorable backstory stuff for a start (yes, I did get sidetracked into Pancake Night at lunchtime)...
no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 03:23 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 03:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-03-13 09:10 am (UTC)Delighted you enjoyed this. That inscription on the coffin just cracks me up every time, and of course it may just be Vince getting it wrong, but I'd prefer to believe that it's really intentional...
no subject
Date: 2012-03-15 03:19 am (UTC)sweet and beautiful <333333
no subject
Date: 2012-03-15 08:46 am (UTC)