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booshslashhavenTitle: Enigma Variations, 29/?: time is out of joint
Summary: Finally, somebody realises that Howard needs to be taken care of too
Rating: PG-13 for language
Warnings: none
Spoilers: Naboo gives Howard some crucial advice
Length: getting on for 1300 words
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, I just borrow them to play with now and again (and again and again and again). For twisted love, not for profit
Enigma Variations
29: time is out of joint
you heard howard through the wall, the small broken sounds he didn’t even know he was making
and you felt it too, your newly restored shaman-senses picking up a sharp peak of distress, and you kicked yourself because you realised it’s been a constant background signal since you got home but you hadn’t tuned in to it through all the other hurt that’s been going on
bollo was worried but knew better than to try to hold you back
you’re worried too but can’t afford to show it
at least your command-voice worked, you weren’t expecting it to
- fuck off, howard snarls, looking at the wall
you summon all your remaining resources and try to stay calm
- i’m not goin’ anywhere, you need help
- no, i fucking well don’t, not from you, not from anybody -
he struggles, but you hold firm around his wrists, you must be stronger than you thought
- howard, i’m tellin’ you, you need me to help you with this, an’ i’m gonna fuckin’ well sit here until you let me
he looks at you with empty eyes - you can’t help me
- can too, an’ will -
perhaps if you say it with enough conviction, you’ll believe it too
- you shouldn’t even be doing magic, you’re not strong enough yet
- let me be the judge of that, one word of power an’ a bit of first aid ain’t goin’ to finish me off, i’m naboo, that’s who -
yeah, that sounds pretty convincing actually, even to you
- now listen, i’m gonna sort you out an’ meanwhile you can tell me what the fuck’s goin’ on here -
you let go of him and reach for a tissue; start to wipe the saliva and blood away
(keep talking, focus on doing what has to be done, it worked for vince, it’ll work for you)
- ’m sorry, been a bit out of it, me ’n’ saboo are workin’ things out an’ I thought you two were as well
he shakes his head like an animal in pain - it’s driving me mad, he won’t talk to me
most of the bleeding’s stopped; you unfold another tissue, to dry up the marks that are still seeping - hurting yourself ain’t gonna help him, or you
- I know - he winces as you catch the raw flesh - but I had to, sometimes I just have to…
you know that sort of frustration, you’ve been there, there’s a scar across your palm to prove it
- give him time - you put his hand down, gently, and go to fetch the numbing ointment off the table - he knows you love him, he just feels… there are things… he can’t talk to you about, he thinks you won’t want to hear them
howard says savagely - he talks to you
- yeah, so? you talked to me when he left home, if you think about it, an’ for the same reasons… it’s easier to talk to someone who ain’t directly involved, sometimes
you sit down again and smear the cream over the swollen, broken skin, crescent-marked by sharp fingernails and already showing the curved lines of bruising where he bit deep, trying to get to the source of the hurt and rip it out
he sighs deeply and lowers his head to his knees - I know he had to do it, I don’t want the details, I just want him to stop shutting me out because he’s feeling guilty -
- about sleeping with the h-man? - you turn his hand over and start work on the inside of his wrist, concentrating on what he’s feeling, rather than on what you are - I don’t think that’s what’s eating him
you shouldn’t have said that last bit, he seizes on it like a drowning man grabs a lifeline, and you know he’s not going to let go
- then what is? naboo, what’s wrong with vince?
the anguish in his voice tears at the very core of you
you really don’t want to lie to him but you can’t tell him all of it
in fact you can’t really tell him any of it
you take your time putting the lid back on the jar and putting the jar back on the table, calming your breathing, choosing your words with care
- well, he hasn’t exactly said - (liar, liar, he didn’t need to exactly say, you saw his face when you materialised on the ship) - he mostly talks about you and how he can’t talk to you, maybe he’s feelin’ a bit like you did before you took that potion, remember?
howard sniffs miserably - that seems a long time ago now… and afterwards we were so happy…
his face screws up in a ridiculous grimace and a deep, harsh sob shakes him, then another
you hate yourself for knowing you could distract him with his memories of the happy times
self-defence is often necessary but it isn’t always ethical
oh, howard…
you’ve put your arms round him without even thinking about it, and it doesn’t feel bad, it feels right, like coming home, and you know that tonight you’ll be able to close the gap between you and saboo in the bed, but right now that just makes you feel more guilty
the tears are pouring out of him, he’s been saving them up for days, your robe’s already soaking where he’s buried his face in your shoulder
you hand him a tissue - stop it, it’s bad enough having saboo crying all over me without you starting - but you don’t let go
he blows his nose, and you stroke his hair
- thanks, howard… thanks for taking care of saboo
he blushes, and says shakily - we didn’t…
- i know, he told me, thanks for that too
- but i think vince thinks we did…
now that is something you can definitely tell him the truth about
- no, he doesn’t, i told him, an’ i don’t think that’s what’s eating him either
he looks up at you with unbearable hope, and you have an idea - listen, howard, why don’t you go and talk to tony?
his face screws up - that pink monstrosity? i can’t, not after what he and vince…
- but he might be able to shed some light, yeah? if i know him - and so help you, you do know him, all too well - he’ll happily tell you what they got up to, an’ maybe it was nothin’ at all, p’raps vince just talked him into rescuin’ me anyway -
(oh, yeah, an’ p’raps Earth pigs can fly without magical assistance an’ all)
- an’ about the rescue, he’s probably got a better idea of what went on down there than i do, i was ravin’ an’ out of it by the time they arrived, but one thing i do know an’ that’s that dennis’s story don’t add up, i met the heptaculars and they are not diplomats…
howard is looking a bit more hopeful - it might be worth a try, then
- think it might, yeah
- how do i find him?
you pull your wallet out of an inner pocket, and riffle through until you find tony’s business card, lurid shiny pink and hexagonal - here you go
- he straightens his shoulders in his best man-of-action way - any advice?
- yeah, be nice to his wife, but whatever you do, don’t drink the tea she makes
- why, is it poisoned or something?
- no, but it’s even worse than the stuff that used to come out of that old vending machine at the zoo…
it’s good to see him smile, although you know you don’t deserve it when he thanks you, kisses you chastely on the cheek and takes you back to bollo
Summary: Finally, somebody realises that Howard needs to be taken care of too
Rating: PG-13 for language
Warnings: none
Spoilers: Naboo gives Howard some crucial advice
Length: getting on for 1300 words
Disclaimer: I don’t own these characters, I just borrow them to play with now and again (and again and again and again). For twisted love, not for profit
Enigma Variations
29: time is out of joint
you heard howard through the wall, the small broken sounds he didn’t even know he was making
and you felt it too, your newly restored shaman-senses picking up a sharp peak of distress, and you kicked yourself because you realised it’s been a constant background signal since you got home but you hadn’t tuned in to it through all the other hurt that’s been going on
bollo was worried but knew better than to try to hold you back
you’re worried too but can’t afford to show it
at least your command-voice worked, you weren’t expecting it to
- fuck off, howard snarls, looking at the wall
you summon all your remaining resources and try to stay calm
- i’m not goin’ anywhere, you need help
- no, i fucking well don’t, not from you, not from anybody -
he struggles, but you hold firm around his wrists, you must be stronger than you thought
- howard, i’m tellin’ you, you need me to help you with this, an’ i’m gonna fuckin’ well sit here until you let me
he looks at you with empty eyes - you can’t help me
- can too, an’ will -
perhaps if you say it with enough conviction, you’ll believe it too
- you shouldn’t even be doing magic, you’re not strong enough yet
- let me be the judge of that, one word of power an’ a bit of first aid ain’t goin’ to finish me off, i’m naboo, that’s who -
yeah, that sounds pretty convincing actually, even to you
- now listen, i’m gonna sort you out an’ meanwhile you can tell me what the fuck’s goin’ on here -
you let go of him and reach for a tissue; start to wipe the saliva and blood away
(keep talking, focus on doing what has to be done, it worked for vince, it’ll work for you)
- ’m sorry, been a bit out of it, me ’n’ saboo are workin’ things out an’ I thought you two were as well
he shakes his head like an animal in pain - it’s driving me mad, he won’t talk to me
most of the bleeding’s stopped; you unfold another tissue, to dry up the marks that are still seeping - hurting yourself ain’t gonna help him, or you
- I know - he winces as you catch the raw flesh - but I had to, sometimes I just have to…
you know that sort of frustration, you’ve been there, there’s a scar across your palm to prove it
- give him time - you put his hand down, gently, and go to fetch the numbing ointment off the table - he knows you love him, he just feels… there are things… he can’t talk to you about, he thinks you won’t want to hear them
howard says savagely - he talks to you
- yeah, so? you talked to me when he left home, if you think about it, an’ for the same reasons… it’s easier to talk to someone who ain’t directly involved, sometimes
you sit down again and smear the cream over the swollen, broken skin, crescent-marked by sharp fingernails and already showing the curved lines of bruising where he bit deep, trying to get to the source of the hurt and rip it out
he sighs deeply and lowers his head to his knees - I know he had to do it, I don’t want the details, I just want him to stop shutting me out because he’s feeling guilty -
- about sleeping with the h-man? - you turn his hand over and start work on the inside of his wrist, concentrating on what he’s feeling, rather than on what you are - I don’t think that’s what’s eating him
you shouldn’t have said that last bit, he seizes on it like a drowning man grabs a lifeline, and you know he’s not going to let go
- then what is? naboo, what’s wrong with vince?
the anguish in his voice tears at the very core of you
you really don’t want to lie to him but you can’t tell him all of it
in fact you can’t really tell him any of it
you take your time putting the lid back on the jar and putting the jar back on the table, calming your breathing, choosing your words with care
- well, he hasn’t exactly said - (liar, liar, he didn’t need to exactly say, you saw his face when you materialised on the ship) - he mostly talks about you and how he can’t talk to you, maybe he’s feelin’ a bit like you did before you took that potion, remember?
howard sniffs miserably - that seems a long time ago now… and afterwards we were so happy…
his face screws up in a ridiculous grimace and a deep, harsh sob shakes him, then another
you hate yourself for knowing you could distract him with his memories of the happy times
self-defence is often necessary but it isn’t always ethical
oh, howard…
you’ve put your arms round him without even thinking about it, and it doesn’t feel bad, it feels right, like coming home, and you know that tonight you’ll be able to close the gap between you and saboo in the bed, but right now that just makes you feel more guilty
the tears are pouring out of him, he’s been saving them up for days, your robe’s already soaking where he’s buried his face in your shoulder
you hand him a tissue - stop it, it’s bad enough having saboo crying all over me without you starting - but you don’t let go
he blows his nose, and you stroke his hair
- thanks, howard… thanks for taking care of saboo
he blushes, and says shakily - we didn’t…
- i know, he told me, thanks for that too
- but i think vince thinks we did…
now that is something you can definitely tell him the truth about
- no, he doesn’t, i told him, an’ i don’t think that’s what’s eating him either
he looks up at you with unbearable hope, and you have an idea - listen, howard, why don’t you go and talk to tony?
his face screws up - that pink monstrosity? i can’t, not after what he and vince…
- but he might be able to shed some light, yeah? if i know him - and so help you, you do know him, all too well - he’ll happily tell you what they got up to, an’ maybe it was nothin’ at all, p’raps vince just talked him into rescuin’ me anyway -
(oh, yeah, an’ p’raps Earth pigs can fly without magical assistance an’ all)
- an’ about the rescue, he’s probably got a better idea of what went on down there than i do, i was ravin’ an’ out of it by the time they arrived, but one thing i do know an’ that’s that dennis’s story don’t add up, i met the heptaculars and they are not diplomats…
howard is looking a bit more hopeful - it might be worth a try, then
- think it might, yeah
- how do i find him?
you pull your wallet out of an inner pocket, and riffle through until you find tony’s business card, lurid shiny pink and hexagonal - here you go
- he straightens his shoulders in his best man-of-action way - any advice?
- yeah, be nice to his wife, but whatever you do, don’t drink the tea she makes
- why, is it poisoned or something?
- no, but it’s even worse than the stuff that used to come out of that old vending machine at the zoo…
it’s good to see him smile, although you know you don’t deserve it when he thanks you, kisses you chastely on the cheek and takes you back to bollo
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Date: 2012-08-06 10:01 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 11:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 11:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 04:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 11:14 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 07:43 pm (UTC)I'm return to my pain puddle now.
no subject
Date: 2012-08-06 11:16 pm (UTC)*throws lifebelt into puddle just on the offchance it might help*
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Date: 2012-08-07 04:32 am (UTC)You are a cheeky bitch, but I must admit that I love you for it. You are torturing me but I do trust you to make me better. I just hope it's soon, I'm only human!
no subject
Date: 2012-08-07 04:44 am (UTC)Also... Tony's luridly pink and hexagonal business card is a bit of monkey genius. I am dreading hearing what he might say, a bit, mostly for Vince's sake, but it also seems like hearing from him will be a step in the right direction, in helping Howard to understand the things that Vince just can't tell him right now.
he knows you love him, he just feels… there are things… he can’t talk to you about, he thinks you won’t want to hear them
But this. This makes my heart hurt. The more we don't know what happened to Vince, and the clearer it becomes that he really isn't talking to anybody about it, the more horrible it seems like it might be. Poor Vince! I'm getting a strange feeling that the H-man might have been... well, maybe not the least of Vince's troubles, but maybe not the worst of them, either. (What happened on that planet?!?) I am glad, however, that Naboo was able to set Howard straight about why it is that Vince has spoken to Naboo and Bollo a bit more than Howard himself--and pointed out that mostly, he talks about Howard.
My stomach is tying itself into knots as I wait for the next chapter...
no subject
Date: 2012-08-10 08:17 am (UTC)- why, is it poisoned or something?
- no, but it’s even worse than the stuff that used to come out of that old vending machine at the zoo…
That bit hit me right in the Enigma-shaped hole in my heart. That was a moment, just a moment of the relationship they used to have before everything collapsed and I love Naboo in this, trying so hard to hold it together.