booshslashhaven | Oct. 26th, 2015

Pairing: Howard/Vince (and maybe Howard/Mirror-Vince? Muah-ha)
Author: Carolyn Claire
Rating: Here there be swears. PG-13
Words: I don't know, I didn't count. More than a few, less than a lot.
Summary: It just gets weirder and worse, pretty much.
Thanks for letting me play, guys! This has been hugely fun. I hope it doesn't show how long it's been for me. Don't tell me if it does. (No, concrit is always welcome, seriously.)
Special of Doom masterpost: BOO

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"Aaaaah!" Vince staggered back a step and then ducked behind Howard, who was grimacing at the image of the next President of the United States drooling against the other side of a sheet of glass.

"Moon! Moonmoonmooneymoonmoon baby, get me outta here! C'mon." Vince peeked at Fossil from around Howard's arm, down at about bicep level. "Vince! My little Vincey-princey, little blue baby blanket boy, you wanna help your old Uncle Bob, don't you?" When they both stared at him without answering, Bob pounded his fists against the glass. "Seriously, guys, get me out! It stinks in here! I mean, it really stinks--there's no toilet and I'm running out of floor space!"

Vince gagged softly. Howard glanced down at him, swallowed, and rubbed at his temple. The headache was getting worse. "Look, Mr. Fossil--"

"Bobby-bob-bob," Fossil whimpered.

"Mr. Fossil," Howard continued, "we aren't entirely sure how we got here, ourselves." The pain was melting into a faint halo of light that crept in around the edges of his vision and flickered, nearly imperceptibly, in time with his pulse. "We know we came in through a mirror. Probably." Bob turned his head to mash one eyeball against the glass; it rolled left, then right, as if he were trying to see the wall his mirror was suspended from on their side. "If you got in there, you should be able to...step back through?"

"Oh, right. Do I LOOK like a mirror-walking-thruer-person?" Bob took a step back and then lauched himself forward, mashing his nose and banging his forehead against the glass. "Mommy!" he wailed, and then, when Howard thought the man couldn't possibly get any more repulsive, he started to cry.

"Howard," Vince moaned, sounding near tears himself.

"Just, everyone, just simmer down and let me think." It was too much to deal with at once, even for a Man of Action, and certainly for a Man of Action with a stabbing headache.

"Oh, wonderful. Everyone get comfortable, Moon's thinking. Fortunately I, for one, had no plans for the next decade." The eyeroll was audible; Howard and Vince turned, and then the eyeroll was visible, too, as Saboo radiated annoyance from a small, multi-colored mirror high up on the wall behind them.

"That's not helping," Naboo lisped, and Howard's knees went a little wobbly with relief. Naboo's mirror was blue-framed and irridescent, setting off his turban attractively.

"All right, Naboo!" Vince grinned broadly at him. "Looking good."

"I know." Naboo preened a bit, then leaned in and frowned. "Hey, Vince, aren't you--"

"Naboo, good, hello." One thing at a time, Howard thought. "Wonderful to see you."

"Oh, hello Saboo, thank you so much for leaving the council meeting and coming to save our butts again, and before you even had a chance to put forward the proposal you spent the last two weeks preparing," Saboo groused.

"Harrison would never have voted for the t-shirts," Naboo said, turning to look up in the direction of Saboo's mirror.

Saboo huffed. "That's because he's a ballbag. I mean, he's LITERALLY a ballbag, he has no torso."

"COULD WE," Howard began, then took a breath when everyone jumped, "could we maybe focus, a little? We would very much like to get home as soon as possible, thank you."

"Are you coming to get us, Naboo?" Vince asked, bouncing in place a bit.

"Not exactly," Naboo said. Howard's temple throbbed. "You'll have to get yourselves out of this one. We can help guide you, though."

"Terrific," Howard muttered. Fossil whispered a soft "Mommy" from behind them.

Vince frowned as he looked back and forth from Naboo to Saboo. "Why are you in different mirrors?"

"We aren't really," Naboo said. "We aren't actually here. We're astral projecting."

"I'm astral projecting," Saboo said. "You're high as fuck."

"This is some really good shit," Bollo agreed, leaning into view from the side of Naboo's mirror.

Naboo frowned and pushed him away. "Get off."

"And you aren't actually there, either. You think you are because your brains are so small." Saboo smirked. "But really, you're not so much there as you are sort of there."

Howard felt his face getting red. "So, what, we're supposed to tap our heels together three times while saying 'There's no place like home'?"

"Sounds well awkward. Don't think it'll catch on." Vince looked down at his boots and twisted on the balls of his feet. "Got kind of a funky chicken vibe."

"What you don't want to do," Naboo croaked, then breathed out a gust of smoke, "is pick the wrong mirror."

"Thank you, yes, that had occurred to us." Now Howard's head hurt AND he was starting to need to use the facilities, of which there were none. He thought of Fossil and felt a little sick.

"Mr. Susan told me that if I picked wrong, I'd have to stay here forever." Vince looked into a cheval mirror to his right, then turned and patted at his hair. "Which wouldn't be all that bad, actually--I mean, the light's really good."

Howard opened his mouth to reprimand Vince for his vanity, as per usual, when what he saw in Vince's mirror made him pause and then freeze in fear. The image of Vince smiled back at Howard, the cruel twist of its lips not at all echoing Vince's open, astonished mouth.

"Hey, Howard," Mirror-Vince said, flicking a glance down and back up Howard's body. "Need an opening? I'll let you in my...mirror."

"That was the worst attempt at innuendo I've ever heard," Saboo said, "and considering the amount of time I've spent around Harrison, that's saying something."

"Howard, who is that?" Vince whispered. Howard reached out to squeeze Vince's shoulder, which felt disturbingly small under his large palm.

"Oh, this is bad," Naboo said, looking across the room from his own spot on the wall to where Mirror-Vince's mirror stood. "Howard, what have you been up to?"

"Nothing!" Howard felt Vince pull away from his hand as he turned to look up at him, but Howard couldn't look away from the mirror, and he certainly couldn't look into Vinces'--his Vince's--face.

"Howard been kissing precious Vince," Bollo growled.

"Yeah, but which one?" Naboo answered, just as Vince shrieked.

"What was that?" Vince pointed behind Howard, and as Howard turned to look, something dark seemed to pass from one mirror to another, behind the glass. "That's it, we're going." Vince grabbed at Howard's hand and pulled him in the direction of the heart-shaped mirror.

"Vince, no!" Naboo shouted, and Howard stopped, which jerked Vince to a stop, too. "You don't even want to know what will happen if you choose the wrong one."

Vince bit his lip, then looked up at Howard entreatingly. His eyes had never been wider or bluer; unfortunately, he'd also never been shorter. How could he not realize what had happened to him?

"It's our mirror, Howard," Vince said softly, "Isn't it? Doesn't it have to be?"

Howard inhaled slowly, then squeezed Vince's hand. "Yeah, little man. That one's ours."

"Oh, gag me with a tentacle," Saboo sighed.

And then the lights went out.