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Title:

CRACK ALERT!!!

Right we all saw the aptly named LOL WUT? post that
larbzieg
posted a while back. Well... I have responded, because the line "No Leroy, I cannot," Vince explained, "Howard and I are staying in to read the bible." Was just too good an opportunity to pass up.

I am aware I may go to Hell for this, I am willing to take that risk for the lulz.

Still Slashy to the extream.

“Howard, I still don’t understand, what do they mean when they say Jesus died for our sins?”
Howard looked up from his place opposite Vince, they had been studying the Lords book for two hours now, Vince occasionally chipping in with some curious question that Howard was more than willing to answer.
“Well when Adam committed the original sin with Eve in the Garden of Eden, he made us all sinners, all his children that followed, and God, who is so kind, and forgiving, he knew that the only way to find leverage to take away that sin would be to send down his own son, who, like Adam had been, was perfect and immortal, and exchange his life for that of Adams sons. When Jesus died for us he was taking away the sins that were on us from birth, and now we are born without sin.”
Vince beamed at him, his bright blue eyes shining with new knowledge, Howard was glad to see it.
“Oh I understand now, Howard, is that what they mean when they say Jesus washed our sins away?”
“That’s right little man! We alone are now accountable for our sins, no longer must we prove that we are good in life, but only that we have lead a good life.”
“Oh… Howard I don’t think I will be aloud into heaven. I think my sins may be too, too awful.”
Vince looked away from Howard sadly, and Howard looked at his new protégée with concern.
“Child, what can you have done?”
“I… I’ve slept with people, Howard.”
“I know, but once we get you baptised-”
“I’ve been sodomized Howard! And I let men… I let them… in my mouth, Howard….”
“You… you have?”
Howard swallowed feeling the heat rise to his face, that was… disgusting. Poor Vince, he would need to be cleansed, and soon!
“Yes, and then sometimes, I’ve had… I ‘ve had two or three men, pleasuring them at the same time….”
“Oh Vince….”
“A lot of the time I was out of my face on flirtinies and cheap cocaine, it’s a wonder I can even remember how many I let inside me in one night, once I woke up, naked, lying in the middle of a hotel lobby with so much cum drying on me I thought I’d gone to a foam party the night before…”
“Vince that is… That is some massive sinning you’ve been up to there.”
Vince tried to look past how uncomfortable Howard had clearly become, his loyal friend had gone bright red and was squirming in his seat, Vince felt terribly ashamed for all of his wicked sins.
“I know Howard, is there anything you can do? I don’t want to go to Hell Howard, I don’t!”
“Well I… I can think of one thing… but no.”
“What is it Howard! Please, tell me! I need to be clean!”
“You’ll need to trust me, one hundred percent, can you do that Vince?”
“Anything Howard! I trust you!”
“Very well… Close your eyes, you must keep them closed Vince, no matter what, or the baptism wont work. You understand?”
Vince shut his eyes tight, and heard Howard move over to him, he could hear cloth rusteling and thought nothing of it, his mouth felt dry, he was very nervous.
“Yes Howard, Anything you say!”
“Now, I want you to tell me, in detail, what it was you allowed these men to do, in so doing we are sharing your sin, don’t be afraid, hold nothing back, don’t be ashamed.”
“Ok… If you think this will work…”
“Hurry, Vince, we’ve not got a second to loose!”
“Ok, well, there was these two guys I met in the velvet onion, thy were really big, one of them… one of them looked a bit like you, Howard, I think that’s why I went with him.”
“Ugh.” Howard had let out a disgusted moan, Vince kept his eyes shut firm, He felt so ashamed, he must be bright pink.
“I’m sorry, Howard, anyway, they took me back to their house, it was pretty grotty, I was really drunk by this time, I couldn’t stand up straight so I went to sit down, but I did it all awkwardly and ended up on all fours, that’s when I felt one of them behind me, he was pulling my skinny jeans down and all I could feel on my arse was the rough denim of his jeans and the hardness behind them, I got… I got excited.”
“Ugh!” again Howard had let slip a shaky moan, Vince felt tears sting behind his eyes; was he so foul?
“I know, it’s disgusting Howard, I didn’t mean to, it just happened! I started… rubbing up against him, and he was moaning, these deep dark guttural moans, I was so hard Howard! His friend came in front of me, he opened my mouth with his thumb and thrust it in and out a couple of times before I knew he was wanting me to suck on it, as I did the man behind me slid down his jeans and I felt something cold and wet being poured all over my arse.”
“Oh Vince…”
“Then he slid a finger into me, it felt so strange, but I was turned on so I hardly cared, a fuck is a fuck, I thought, then the man in front of me replaced his thumb with… with…”
“Go on, child!”
“With his dick. I’d never sucked dick before, and he felt huge, I tried not to gag but he was kind, even holding me by the hair and guiding my head so I didn’t even have to set the rhythm, just let him fuck my mouth, the man behind me had three fingers in me by now, it had started to feel really good, so when he took them away I… I’m so ashamed Howard, I whined and wiggled about, trying to get him to do it again, but then he slid something else into me, hot and hard and thrusting, I never don’t that before either, and it burned just a little but then they set a rhythm together and I didn’t have to do anything but feel filled, so filled Howard, my head was buzzing and my dick was throbbing and they kept thrusting and thrusting and thrusting… Oh Howard we have to stop!”
“NO! I mean, WHY child?”
“Because I’ve got hard again thinking about it and its just not right is it?”
“It’s all part of the healing protest Vince, continue, I’m, We’re almost there!”
“The man in front of me pulled my hair a little, and he man behind spanked me, once, sharp and short and that’s all it took for me to spill myself all over the living room floor, they hadn’t touched me once and I was coming like a filthy whore, the man in front jerked, his hot come filled my mouth, spilled out from my lips cause there was so much and I couldn’t swallow with him still inside and then the other one dug his nails into my hips, he thrust again, hard, one, two, three times before he moaned and pulled out, coming all over the back of my legs and my arse-”
“JESUS WASHED OUR SINS AWAY! JESUS WASHED OUR SINS AWAY!” Howard cried passionately.
Vince felt the hot, soothing water of baptism hit his face, his shoulders relaxed, at last, he was clean.

The end.
Jesus loves you for reviews!

Wash our sins away
Pairing: Howince
Author: ME!
Rating: STRONG R
Disclaimer: I don’t own the Boosh, no violation of intellectual property intended, not intended to offend. Nor do I own Jesus or God, they are the works of the Human Race, perhaps, or perhaps they are the original writers? oooOOOooohh
Warning: THIS DOES NOT HAVE JESUS OR GOD BASHING, AT ALL, IT DOES HOW EVER HAVE A KIND OF CORRUPT "PRIEST" AND TALKS ABOUT JESUS AND HIS PURPOSE IN THE BIBLE, IF IT OFFENDS YOU, YEAH? DON'T READ IT, PLEASE PLEASE DON'T

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