Deconstructing the Boosh - Part Two

[magenta1977.livejournal.com]

Title; Deconstructing the Boosh - Part Two
Pairing: Julian/Noel
Rating: NC17 - For language
Beta: The wonderful and inspiring leonleif , who led me here and held my hand, this is for her.
Disclaimer: Julian and Noel own The Mighty Boosh and themselves - This is just a work of fiction inspired by them

Friday

I scan my living room. Ok it will have to do. Ashtray? Julian will probably want to smoke. I go into the kitchen and find a dish that will make an adequate ashtray. I run through a check list in my head; Camera, Dictaphone, notes.I look at my watch - 6.05pm.

After Noel had left the other night, I lay awake for hours going over what had taken place. Noel is in love with Julian. Of course there had been talk, and comments.......

My doorbell. Who is that?

Well whoever it is, they can get the fuck....I can’t have any-one here when they arrive.

Muttering to myself, I walk to the front door ready to chase whoever it is away.

I open the door and I am confronted by a broad back clad in a black woollen jacket.

The person flicks a cigarette into the street and turns to face me.....Julian Barratt.

My first impression is how tall is, he towers over my 5’ 3” frame.....I was waiting till the last moment to slip into my boots.

Then as I look up to his face, I am taken aback by how handsome he is. His rugged unshaven face is topped off by a headful of unruly curls. He smiles and I feel my stomach flip and I become so disorientated, that when he offers his hand, I force out my hand so vigorously that I catch him sharply between his stomach and crotch.

“Shit...I am so sorry!”

“This is the first time we have met, yet it is at least the fifth time you have apologised to me!”

I laugh a little too eagerly and then blush....get it together girl!!!

“Won’t you come in?” I stand aside and let him pass by into the hall. I close my eyes briefly and take a deep breath and then follow him, closing the door.

“Noel isn’t here yet.”

“Really?......it’s not like him!” He raises an eyebrow at me, his eyes twinkling.

“Well to be fair we did arrange to meet at 7......not that it’s not ok that you have arrived early,” I add quickly, only to be met once again with a raised eyebrow and an amused grin.

“Seven...so, on Noel Time that is 9, 10ish....so I am afraid you are stuck with just me....till...” the smile momentarily leaves his face, but is quickly reinstated as he claps together his hands and says “Ok; let’s get started”

It suddenly occurs to me that he wants to get the interview over before Noel arrives. Shit...I have to stall him...Noel would probably just walk out if he arrives and Julian has left...I have come this far, I have to keep him here.....and besides I am quite interested in seeing their first interaction in over a year.

“Have a seat....would you like something to drink?... Beer?”

“Sure. Thanks!”

He takes off his coat and is about to place it over the back of the couch when I get an idea.

“Here, let me take your coat.”

He hands me his coat....I take it and walk into the kitchen with it...There; he can’t leave without his coat....good god I am such a dick..can’t believe I am hiding his coat......if he asks for his coat what am I planning on saying?....oh, silly me, I think I have mislaid it, can you hang around for an hour or two until I remember where I put it? Ingenious...sooooooo going to work! Am I that desperate? Yes, I am!

I return with the beer and hand it to him.

I sit down on the armchair opposite him. It then occurs to me that we are in the same positions Noel and I were in the other night. I watch him take a long slug of beer as he takes in his surroundings.

I start to fiddle with my Dictaphone....anything to delay the interview.....small talk.

“So how have you been Julian?”

“Good...I...” He looks down at his bottle of beer, “Good.”

Okay.

“So, what have you been up to... I believe you are now primarily behind the camera....do you miss performing?”

“Right now, I am working on a book of short stories.”

“Oh? Does it have a title?”

“It changes every day; I haven’t settled on one yet!”

“What are the stories about?”

“Life, Death, Fear and Los...”

The doorbell stops Julian short. He stares at the doorway into hall. The doorbell rings again.

It’s Noel and he’s early. The realisation occurs to both of us instantaneously. I glance at Julian, he looks surprised and tense.

I go to the door and open it and as expected Noel is standing there.

He smiles and leans forward to give me a kiss on the cheek. As he walks by me I grab his arm, he looks back at me and nods his head and walks on into the living room.

I lean against the back of the door....relief washing over me....all the pieces are finally coming together.

I walk into the living room to find Noel alone.

Where?

I look around. My confusion must be obvious on my face.

“What’s wrong?”

“Julian...he was sitting right here.”

Noel looks like I have slapped him.

He is on his feet.

“What?....He must have gone out of the back door when he heard me ......I knew it...I knew he wouldn’t be able to face me!”

He pulls his hands through his hair...he looks devastated.

“Noel.”

We both turn to find Julian standing in the doorway to the kitchen.

“I was just looking for the toilet,” he explains.

The two men just stare at each other. Julian breaks the silence.

“You’re looking well, Noel.”

Noel looks down at himself, absently tugging at his long leather coat as if to say “Ahhh this old thing”, his cheeks redden as he looks back at Julian through his fringe.

“I see you’re still championing the Lumberjack look.”

Julian smiles.

“Bringing it back, Sir!”

At the same moment they move towards each other.

Within touching distance Julian places his hand on Noel’s shoulder. Noel looks like he is going to move closer, but I see Julian’s arm tense and it turns from a gesture of greeting into a barrier.

Noel catches my gaze briefly......and I see it...the pain.  I feel the back of my throat contract....should Noel do this to himself? Can I be a witness to this self-inflicted torture?

Julian glances in my direction and then back at Noel.

“How have you been Noel?”

“Not bad, you are looking good, Jude.”

Noel nudges him in the ribs...in a desperate bid to dispel the tangible tension.

Julian removes his hand from Noel’s shoulder and smiles. He looks over at me and raises his eyebrows. He is relieved. The hardest part is over.

 

***** 

 

“Remember that woman on the 2006 tour Julian, you know the one who...”

Noel began to laugh and as he did so leaned against Julian placing his hand on Julian’s arm.

In the last two hours Julian and Noel had recounted their memories of the Boosh, and as a result of the combination of alcohol and nostalgia, the earlier tension has completely disappeared.

They started the interview at opposite ends of the couch, yet slowly they have gravitated towards each other. Funny; I never noticed as it was happening, I just all of a sudden realised that Noel’s knee was now resting on Julian’s thigh. They seem happy.

Maybe this was all they needed. Whatever had happened seems to be forgotten; maybe that tour will happen after all. Could be the alcohol, but I am feeling good; a little too pleased with myself, after all I have brought the Boosh back together.

“Remember the night we played as the Boosh band for the Teenage Cancer Trust gig? I was seriously shitting myself,” Noel was saying.

Then my phone rings.

Julian and Noel start to laugh and sing along with it.

It is John, the editor interested in publishing my article, I need to take it.

“Sorry, I need to take this......talk amongst yourselves.”

When I stand up I realise how drunk I am and it is confirmed when I trip over Julian’s legs; he reaches up and steadies me.

“You ok?”

“Never better.”

I leave the room to the sound of Noel and Julian laughing and answer my phone.

“Hello.”

He just wants an update on the interview; he can’t believe the boys are still here.  I tell him the interview is going really well and that I got some really great photos, really natural, and lots of anecdotal material. I give him a brief summary.

“We should get together...does Monday suit...”

“LOOK AT ME!”

“What the hell was that?”

“John...I will have to phone you back...”

I hang up and approach the door to the living room, the door is slightly ajar, I try to position myself in such a way that I can see but not be seen. I can see the mirror above the fireplace, in which there is a reflection of the couch; Noel and Julian.

Noel is kneeling beside Julian on the couch, his hands on his shoulders, trying to turn him so they are face to face. Julian is trying to twist out of his grip, which then results in Noel attempting to climb onto Julian’s lap.

“Please Ju.....”

“No.”

I could hardly hear Julian, his voice barely a whisper.

“Ju, please listen..”

“NO!”

Suddenly Julian is on his feet and Noel is on his back on the floor. Julian steps over him and walks towards the kitchen.

From his position on the floor, Noel can see me crouching on the floor in the hall through the gap in the door.

I crawl towards him.

“You ok?”

“No.”

Noel clings to me and I feel his tears on my shoulder.

“What happened?”

“He won’t listen.”

*****
  

“Where’s Noel?”

“Bed.”

“Upstairs?”

“Yes.”

Julian is sitting at my kitchen table. He offers me a cigarette.

“No thanks.”

Julian lights a cigarette and takes a long drag.

His eyes dart around the room avoiding my gaze.

Finally he closes his eyes and rubs his jaw with his hand.

“Sorry about...” he gestures towards the living room.

I glance into the living room recalling Noel’s tear-soaked face.

Reading my mind, Julian says “He will be fine!”

“You think so!”

I didn’t mean for it to be so abrupt, but don’t regret it.

His eyes widen at my outburst. He takes another drag.

“He just gets a bit emotional when he drinks.”

I meet his stare and he immediately looks away.

“You have hurt him.”

“I have hurt him?”

He voice; even, emotionless.

He shakes his head. “I’m going.”

He gets up from the table. I grab his arm.

“Please talk to him; it doesn’t have to be now, but soon.”

“The thing with Noel ....when you have his attention....it’s like the sun shines on you, and it’s glorious. And then he forgets you and it’s very very cold.”

“Julian....”

“Look at you.....you have his attention ....and look at what you’re doing....every-one is the same.”

He moves away from the table into the living room.

“Where’s my coat?”

“He’s in love with you.”

He stops and drops his head, rubs his temple.

He makes a small movement towards the kitchen, changes his mind and walks on into the living room. I follow him.

“Don’t go!”

But he continues to walk through the living room and then he stops. I can’t see what he is looking at as the door to the hall is open, blocking my view.

“I thought you were in bed.”

“I take it you are leaving, then?”

Julian places his hands in his jeans pockets and shrugs.

“Typical!”

“Yeah, whatever Noel, I’m outta here!”

“NO!”

“What?”

Julian leans forward, as if he has misheard.

“You are not leaving!”

“Watch me!”

Julian walks into the hall and then reappears suddenly backwards into the living room. Noel must have shoved him. I move quickly towards Julian, who has steadied himself.  He now looks at Noel, his eyes glowing with anger.

“Oh! Danger, little man! I suggest you get out of my way.”

Noel is standing in the doorway.  I see that he trying very hard to control the shaking of his lower lip.  He looks terrified but determined.

“You are not walking out on me again.”

Julian shakes his head. “Don’t do this Noel.”

Noel’s voice is breaking. “I want you to listen to me.”

“I stopped caring about what you wanted a long time ago.”

Noel bites his lip. “Please.”

Julian makes a move towards the door.  Noel places his hands on his chest.

“Get out of my way Noel!”

“Ju. Please.”

Noel places his arms around his waist.

“Get off me!”

“Ju.  Please stay.”

“Get off me!”

“Ju, I need to talk to you.”

“GET OFF ME!!”

Suddenly, Julian has Noel pinned up against the wall in the hall. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want to talk to you. I hate you, you...”

Julian releases Noel, who slumps to the floor, and then, stepping over him, he pulls open the front door and leaves.

I go towards Noel, but he has gotten to his feet and is at the open front door, shouting into the darkness.

“FUCK YOU, JULIAN BARRATT, YOU SELF-RIGHTOUS CUNT!”

As I place my hand on his shoulder, he falls into my body and I almost lose my footing.

He is weeping; he grips the front of my shirt.

“I hate him so much I can barely breathe.”

 

***** 

 

“So much for my coat plan.”

“What?”

We are sitting in the living room.

“When he arrived early, I thought he was going to try and get the interview over with and leg it before you showed up, so I hid his coat.”

I am too drunk to care about how crazy that makes me sound.

Noel stares at me, his lips sealed shut, trying not to laugh.

“You hid his coat?”

I nod, my face reddening.

Noel’s face is red too, but for a different reason. He can’t suppress it much longer.

He laughs so loud and hard he is doubled up, clutching his chest.

“Yeah, I know, I’m a dickhead!”

When Noel finally gets a hold of himself, he grabs my empty glass and his and goes to the kitchen to refresh them.

It has been a hour since Julian left, and it has been tough, Noel hasn’t spoken much until 10 minutes ago, when he turned to me and said, “Fuck him.....let’s throw some tunes on and finish off your drinks cabinet!”

Noel returns with our drinks.

“Thanks Noel”

He crouches down beside my chair. His blue eyes bloodshot and slightly swollen.

“Where is it?”

“What?”

“His coat?”

“It’s in the cupboard with the Hoover.”

“Get it?....Will you? Please.”

“Why?”

I don’t like the sound of this.

“You are not going to mess up his coat?!”

Noel sighs and places his chin on the armrest. “I....please!”

I get up and walk into the kitchen with Noel directly behind me.

I go to the cupboard and remove the jacket.

Noel stares at the jacket as if it is a delicate work of art.

He looks at me, as if for permission to touch it.

I push it into his hands.

I watch as he rubs the material of the coat against his face and then he buries his face in it.

Oh, no. Have I made a mistake? Made things worse?

Before I get a chance to retrieve the coat, Noel is walking towards the living room. He is putting the coat on. He looks like a child dressing up in his father’s clothes. He sits down on the couch and curls up in the coat. So much for getting wasted and pulling a few shapes.

“His smell....” He closes his eyes and pulls the collar of the coat closer to his face.

“Noel?

“Yeah?”

“Noel, what ha...”

I am distracted as Noel now has a small hardback notebook in his hands, which he has found in one of the inside pockets of the coat. He turns it over in his hands and strokes it.

“Ahhh . . . . Noel, don’t go through his pockets....that’s a bit shit.”

I start to hiccup. It’s the alcohol.

“Noel, I will, hic, take the coat, hic, off you!”

But Noel isn’t listening; he is transfixed by this notebook.

“Noel? hic”

I kick him and he looks up. “Noel, c’mon! hic Stop that! hic”

He ignores me and returns to the notebook.

My hiccups are getting worse; I pull myself up and go into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I stumble slightly and knock the plant, but despite my alcohol intake my reflexes are quick and I manage to steady it before it falls.

When I return, he is flicking through the notebook. I shake my head and fall back into my chair.

“He always carried a notebook...”

“Oh?”

“Just in case inspiration struck......though he just ended up using it as a place to write lists and phone numbers.....inspiration only ever struck when we were together....like a chemical reaction.”

“Mmmm.” I close my eyes.

“I see things haven’t changed.....I always.....”

His silence prompts me to open my eyes. Noel is holding something in his hand.....what is it? A square piece of card....I blink...it is a Polaroid picture. His face has drained of colour and is motionless.

“What is it?”

No answer.

“Noel?”

“Oh, Ju.....baby!”

Noel is now smiling and his eyes are tearing.

What is this? I get up off my seat and sit down beside Noel.

The Polaroid is of him and Julian, in what looks like a pub, Noel is sitting behind Julian with his chin resting on Julian’s shoulder and his hand on his arm, their heads are together and they are both smiling. Some-one has written “BOOSHLOVE” across the bottom and drawn a crude heart around the two men.

Noel is now stroking the photo. I touch his arm and he puts his head on my shoulder.

“Oh Noel!”

“We were so happy....look!”

“I can see that.”

“Look at that smile....those eyes...those curls...oh God.....I love him so much.......seeing him tonight, I lost my breath, my heart began to pound, and I was painfully aware that I wasn’t over him.”

“It will get easier...I promise.”

“Trying to forget someone you love, is like trying to remember someone you never met.”

“A break-up can be like a bereavement...that intense sense of loss...you just need time.”

“Sometimes I wish I had never met him, because then I could go to bed at night not knowing he’s out there.”

He turns to look at me. His eyes like two saucers full of tears.

“My biggest fear was that one day we’d run into each other on the street and have one of those horrible artificial conversations, as if we never were anything to each other.”

“Noel, what happened a year ago?”

He settles back on the couch and returns his gaze to the photo.

“It wasn’t just one thing.......so many things were going on...”

“Was there nothing you could have done at the time?”

“I was too stubborn, I just stood there...nothing more painful than to watch someone you love walk away. To watch the distance between you expand until there is nothing left but empty space... and silence. The silence and the empty space.....it was unbearable.....deafening silence....overbearing space.... ‘Hearts will never be practical, until they are made unbreakable’ ...that wizard knew a thing or two.”

“He sure did!”

I rest my head on his and we look at the photo. Where did it all go wrong?

“I want him back!”

“I know you do, but Noel....you don’t know what has happened in the last year, he could be with some-one else, he could be happy!”

“No....he . . . .”

“You know that for sure?”

“No, but I feel it...here.” He points to his heart.

I turn to face him. “Noel, you might have to accept that Julian has moved on.”

“No .....Look!” He waves the photo in my face.

I get up off the couch. “You’re hopeless!”

He grabs my hand and looks up at me. “I am not without hope.”

“Noel, you could be setting yourself up for more heartbreak. Besides he obviously doesn’t want to talk about happened..”

I kneel down in front of him and place my hand on his cheek.

“Noel, sometimes there is no going back. I know you are hurting, but even if you do see Julian again, there is a chance he has moved on.”

Noel starts to say something, but I keep on.

“Yes he has kept your picture, yes there may be a chance you could get back together, but Noel you have to see that there is also the possibility that you won’t.”

We stare at each other, his sorrowful eyes piercing my heart. Noel places his forehead against mine and I feel a tear against my cheek.

“I will die if I accept that; hope is the only thing keeping me alive.”

“Oh, Noel..”

The doorbell.

Noel looks up.

“Who’s that?”

“Sorry, can’t see through walls.”

I get up and go into the hall. I know exactly who it is. Who else could it be?

Julian Barratt.

Comments

[tibblerooni.livejournal.com]

ooh. i like this. :)

[magenta1977.livejournal.com]

Thanks....I have just posted the third and final part!
I hope you like that too!!

[magenta1977.livejournal.com]

Ohhh LM..***sigh***

So pleased you like it!!!!

[thehomicidehoe.livejournal.com]

Oh god...

*Sniffle*

[leonleif.livejournal.com]

A very moving Part II; chock full of raw emotion. I love this exchange for the power it conveys - such controlled anger!
He now looks at Noel, his eyes glowing with anger.
“Oh! Danger, little man! I suggest you get out of my way.”
And yet you still manage to inject humour into the situation -
“Who’s that?”
“Sorry, can’t see through walls.”
Right - I'm off to Part III now!

[xxjulianxx.livejournal.com]

Theres a part three already!? AHH!
*runs*
love it!...I'll probably comment the last one better...:D
amazing though
xx

[themogwai.livejournal.com]

I am really quite absorbed by this melodrama playing out- well done, again.
It was gripping and interesting. The exchanges rattled between tense and bittersweet, and still your narrator's voice comes across as strong. Their motives still remain murky- are they going to wish they had never opened this can of worms?
The writing is celever, revolving more around words than descriptions, and the human emotions described are very real- things we can all relate to.
I take it it's a sort-of AU, gathering that Julian is not 'with' anyone as your story begins?
I look forward to part 3!
XX

[magenta1977.livejournal.com]

themogwai - You have no idea how much that means to me, having read and enjoyed the fics you have contributed to the BSH!!!