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booshslashhavenI was browsing through the archives and came across some song drabbles and the bunny was born. They're mostly angsty little things, but there's a couple of things in there, not just sap. The first one's just a little drabble thing that hopped into my head and wouldnt leave - it's not from a song at all. The rest are though, as titled.
Wrong Doings
It’s taken Julian this long to realise the reasoning behind Noel’s perverse way of treating those who are closest to him the worst. In the beginning it’s all smiles and polite conversation. He’s the nicest person in the world, never knowing the meaning of the word no. But he doesn’t love those people. He doesn’t know them, so he treats them like they’re gold. Precious metals hidden in the dirt until they’re found by someone like him.
It had been similar for him, the small weird little whelp following him around smiling and agreeing to anything he said. Giving up anything he could to impress or help. The longer they spent together the less Noel started to give and the more he started to take. Now he’s somewhere in between. He still gives too much, and he doesn’t take that often, but when he does he takes a lot.
It’s taken Julian this long to realise the strops and drunk 3AM calls are Noel’s way of testing his will. Testing just how much he cares. He’s got one for all of them. The Gorilla suit is Dave’s, the teasing is Mike’s, the tabloid rumours is Dee’s. He loves them, so he tests them. Their trials are his ‘I love you’ and his ‘I love you’s’ are nothing but words.
Julian used to resent him, only now he can’t. He can’t hate Noel now he understands. Now he can’t help but smile when the phone call comes.
***
This is how it goes – Missy Higgins
He’s on his heel and he’s running and he knows it. He’s running away, but he wont run too far or too fast. Julian never follows. Never finds him. Not that he needs to. He never says anything Noel can thank him for. He just doesn’t have it in him. He just doesn’t have the ability to sympathise, or even empathise anymore. They’re different people. Lead different lives. Noel runs and Julian never follows. He always knows where Noel is. Always knows he’s at home, music blasting at levels inconceivable to the speakers on Julian’s stereo but permissible on Noel’s. Painting furiously in harsh lines and breaking down to the sound of the music. He never lets Julian see those paintings. Not that Julian comes around anymore. He doesn’t need to. He doesn’t even need to call anymore. Noel always goes back. The words sting, they burn and Noel runs and Julian never follows. Because he knows sooner or later Noel always comes back. But every single time Noel never runs too far or too fast – hoping that one day, Julian will follow him anyway.
***
Stay - Elisa
“Please Ju,” he’s pleading. Those blue eyes wide and glittering. Startlingly close to tears.
He can’t stand it. He turns and his hand is on the door before Noel grabs at him.
“Wait Ju – please!” his voice is cracking and squeaking. Hysterical. He always was emotional.
He waits for a moment. Working up the courage. It takes longer than he thought it would. He thought he was stronger than this.
He cant say anything and Noel’s just staring. Begging him with those tear spilling eyes. Bottom lip trembling.
“Stay, please,” Noel murmurs.
He stays.
***
Breakdown – Daughtry
He knows he can ruin it all if he opens his mouth. So he closes it. He knows that if he breaks it he’ll never fix it. He knows if that happens he’ll never forgive himself.
He knows that it feels like their story is nearing the end. He knows he’s the only one who sometimes thinks they’re characters in a novel, directed by some higher voice. He knows that he has no control over what happens next. He knows that now is the moment where everything they have is waiting to be told what happens next. He knows if he says something it will be the wrong thing to say. So he doesn’t say anything. He just does the first thing that he can think of.
He pulls the other man to him and holds him close.
***
Warm Whispers – Missy Higgins
His breath is warm against his skin. Lips close against his ear. Silky feathered hair tickling against the nape of his neck. The air catches in Julian’s throat as Noel pulls away. Fingers still lingering on his arm. The air pulsing with the noise of the café – filled to the roof with people he recognises but doesn’t know.
They’re all here for Noel. Faces distorted into images replicating the skulls Noel’s daubed in paint across canvas and plate alike.
The whole room’s buzzing and Noel should be at his element – the centre of every eye and attention – talking to people, moving through them like a stone across water.
But he’s standing in front of Julian, hand clutching at his arm like it’s an anchor. Keeping him safe from drowning amongst the hoards.
Julian’s never been more proud of him. And it’s not because of the paintings.
It’s the warm weight of Noel’s hand.
“Don’t lose me Ju.” He mutters and Julian smiles. There was never any chance of that.
***
Call me When you’re sober – Evanescence
Julian only ever works up the courage to call him when he’s drunk.
Noel knows when the JU-JU Parenting Bonanza has a flat tyre when his phone buzzes and fizzes in his pocket and Julian’s demented face stares up at him from the screen – “You can connect people’s pictures to their numbers so that when they call their face comes up on the screen; here – like this” – Jules’ still the only person’s face that comes up. He hasn’t been bothered to make the link for anyone else and he likes seeing that face before he listens to Julian’s booze altered voice.
He knows just how bad the fight’s been on that first ten seconds after answering. No matter where he is, what he’s doing or what time it is he always answers and for that same reason, Julian always answers him.
If Ju’s quiet for a moment he knows it’s really bad and that he’s had a while to think about it before he calls and asks if he can come over. If it’s the first thing he asks then he usually stays two nights. If he starts talking nonsense the moment Noel answers then it’s a typical spat and it’s usually five minutes before he asks for the couch. These times he only stays one night and he’s forgiven her already, but that doesn’t stop him drinking a bloody bottle before he comes over and one while he’s there and starts pacing the room into the early hours, whether Noel stays up to keep him company or not.
The calls have been coming for years. Even before Julia. Barratt’s the most fucked guy Noel knows – sometimes including himself. He’s never really content and is always needing to fight. To bitch. To vent. He’s almost like a girl.
They used to kiss and fuck and kiss and fuck some more when it was Ju fighting with his flat mates. It was amusing how much Julian liked to complain about the Sneaker Pimps, really. Their rendezvous were more stilted with his girlfriends – as stilted as those relationships were themselves.
The kissing and the fucking combo stopped with Julia. The fucking became infrequent and then when the boys came it stopped altogether. Now even the kissing’s stopped and Noel’s forced that indulgent need into the scripts as one last way of connecting. Because even though he hates it that Julian never rings him when he’s sober, when him and Julia aren’t fighting, it doesn’t stop that pride that it’s him Julian’s called. And while he keeps calling, while Noel keeps seeing that demented face on his phone, there’s hope.
Noel made up his mind a long time ago. If Julian calls then he answers.
Julian always calls.
Wrong Doings
It’s taken Julian this long to realise the reasoning behind Noel’s perverse way of treating those who are closest to him the worst. In the beginning it’s all smiles and polite conversation. He’s the nicest person in the world, never knowing the meaning of the word no. But he doesn’t love those people. He doesn’t know them, so he treats them like they’re gold. Precious metals hidden in the dirt until they’re found by someone like him.
It had been similar for him, the small weird little whelp following him around smiling and agreeing to anything he said. Giving up anything he could to impress or help. The longer they spent together the less Noel started to give and the more he started to take. Now he’s somewhere in between. He still gives too much, and he doesn’t take that often, but when he does he takes a lot.
It’s taken Julian this long to realise the strops and drunk 3AM calls are Noel’s way of testing his will. Testing just how much he cares. He’s got one for all of them. The Gorilla suit is Dave’s, the teasing is Mike’s, the tabloid rumours is Dee’s. He loves them, so he tests them. Their trials are his ‘I love you’ and his ‘I love you’s’ are nothing but words.
Julian used to resent him, only now he can’t. He can’t hate Noel now he understands. Now he can’t help but smile when the phone call comes.
***
This is how it goes – Missy Higgins
He’s on his heel and he’s running and he knows it. He’s running away, but he wont run too far or too fast. Julian never follows. Never finds him. Not that he needs to. He never says anything Noel can thank him for. He just doesn’t have it in him. He just doesn’t have the ability to sympathise, or even empathise anymore. They’re different people. Lead different lives. Noel runs and Julian never follows. He always knows where Noel is. Always knows he’s at home, music blasting at levels inconceivable to the speakers on Julian’s stereo but permissible on Noel’s. Painting furiously in harsh lines and breaking down to the sound of the music. He never lets Julian see those paintings. Not that Julian comes around anymore. He doesn’t need to. He doesn’t even need to call anymore. Noel always goes back. The words sting, they burn and Noel runs and Julian never follows. Because he knows sooner or later Noel always comes back. But every single time Noel never runs too far or too fast – hoping that one day, Julian will follow him anyway.
***
Stay - Elisa
“Please Ju,” he’s pleading. Those blue eyes wide and glittering. Startlingly close to tears.
He can’t stand it. He turns and his hand is on the door before Noel grabs at him.
“Wait Ju – please!” his voice is cracking and squeaking. Hysterical. He always was emotional.
He waits for a moment. Working up the courage. It takes longer than he thought it would. He thought he was stronger than this.
He cant say anything and Noel’s just staring. Begging him with those tear spilling eyes. Bottom lip trembling.
“Stay, please,” Noel murmurs.
He stays.
***
Breakdown – Daughtry
He knows he can ruin it all if he opens his mouth. So he closes it. He knows that if he breaks it he’ll never fix it. He knows if that happens he’ll never forgive himself.
He knows that it feels like their story is nearing the end. He knows he’s the only one who sometimes thinks they’re characters in a novel, directed by some higher voice. He knows that he has no control over what happens next. He knows that now is the moment where everything they have is waiting to be told what happens next. He knows if he says something it will be the wrong thing to say. So he doesn’t say anything. He just does the first thing that he can think of.
He pulls the other man to him and holds him close.
***
Warm Whispers – Missy Higgins
His breath is warm against his skin. Lips close against his ear. Silky feathered hair tickling against the nape of his neck. The air catches in Julian’s throat as Noel pulls away. Fingers still lingering on his arm. The air pulsing with the noise of the café – filled to the roof with people he recognises but doesn’t know.
They’re all here for Noel. Faces distorted into images replicating the skulls Noel’s daubed in paint across canvas and plate alike.
The whole room’s buzzing and Noel should be at his element – the centre of every eye and attention – talking to people, moving through them like a stone across water.
But he’s standing in front of Julian, hand clutching at his arm like it’s an anchor. Keeping him safe from drowning amongst the hoards.
Julian’s never been more proud of him. And it’s not because of the paintings.
It’s the warm weight of Noel’s hand.
“Don’t lose me Ju.” He mutters and Julian smiles. There was never any chance of that.
***
Call me When you’re sober – Evanescence
Julian only ever works up the courage to call him when he’s drunk.
Noel knows when the JU-JU Parenting Bonanza has a flat tyre when his phone buzzes and fizzes in his pocket and Julian’s demented face stares up at him from the screen – “You can connect people’s pictures to their numbers so that when they call their face comes up on the screen; here – like this” – Jules’ still the only person’s face that comes up. He hasn’t been bothered to make the link for anyone else and he likes seeing that face before he listens to Julian’s booze altered voice.
He knows just how bad the fight’s been on that first ten seconds after answering. No matter where he is, what he’s doing or what time it is he always answers and for that same reason, Julian always answers him.
If Ju’s quiet for a moment he knows it’s really bad and that he’s had a while to think about it before he calls and asks if he can come over. If it’s the first thing he asks then he usually stays two nights. If he starts talking nonsense the moment Noel answers then it’s a typical spat and it’s usually five minutes before he asks for the couch. These times he only stays one night and he’s forgiven her already, but that doesn’t stop him drinking a bloody bottle before he comes over and one while he’s there and starts pacing the room into the early hours, whether Noel stays up to keep him company or not.
The calls have been coming for years. Even before Julia. Barratt’s the most fucked guy Noel knows – sometimes including himself. He’s never really content and is always needing to fight. To bitch. To vent. He’s almost like a girl.
They used to kiss and fuck and kiss and fuck some more when it was Ju fighting with his flat mates. It was amusing how much Julian liked to complain about the Sneaker Pimps, really. Their rendezvous were more stilted with his girlfriends – as stilted as those relationships were themselves.
The kissing and the fucking combo stopped with Julia. The fucking became infrequent and then when the boys came it stopped altogether. Now even the kissing’s stopped and Noel’s forced that indulgent need into the scripts as one last way of connecting. Because even though he hates it that Julian never rings him when he’s sober, when him and Julia aren’t fighting, it doesn’t stop that pride that it’s him Julian’s called. And while he keeps calling, while Noel keeps seeing that demented face on his phone, there’s hope.
Noel made up his mind a long time ago. If Julian calls then he answers.
Julian always calls.
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