P is for Petit Pois.

[natawie.livejournal.com]

Title: P is for Petit Pois. (15/26)
Pairing: Nove.
Disclaimer: Please dont sue me i've got so little to give!
Warnings: Swearing. 
Summary:  "What'll be next? A nipple tweak and a lick across the face."- Michael Mcintyre (talking about French Hello's).
A/N: I'm gonna try and do all the letters of the alphabet. if it goes shit wrong, then sorry. hehe IGNORE AGE! :)
ich bin not french! i dont speak french and google translate is as good as any for me! the only french i know is petit filous.
also i dont know what noels nans called so i'll just pick a name that sounds remotely french and nan like :)
i dont know what shes like either, and for some reason this is how i'm picturing her!

Previous Parts: A is for Artist. , B is for Ballroom. , C is for Children. , D is for Dads. , E is for Electro. , F is for Fairy Tale. , G is for Gorilla and Gary Numan. , H is for Her Come Take Me Home Eyes. , I is for Indecent Exposure. , J is for Joy. , K is for K. , L is for Love. , M is for Meetings. , N is for Naughty Noel. , O is for Oh, Could You Shove It Up Your Arse?

 

"Tilly Panda Bear Noir! Get out of my face!" Noel sighed, pulling his head further away from her.
"You know I hate to ask." Tilly sang in his ear. "But are friends electric?"
"No!" Noel whined, pushing her face away. "Annoy your dad."
"He's a boring arse, he's asleep."
"We'll be there in a minute. Stop it. Behave yourself."
"Alright, can we do something then? For a minute?"
"What'd you wanna do?"
Tilly took out a pack of cards and put down her table.
"Dont be doin none of your creepy card creations!"
"Pick out 5 red and 5 black."
"Why?"
"Humour me."
"What any 5?"
"Yeah."
"Can I show you?"
"Yeah, doesnt matter."
Noel did as instructed.
Tilly put them in sequence. Red. Black. Red. Black. Red. Black. Red. Black. Red. Black. "Split them down the middle so theres 5 and 5."
"What are you doing?"
"You'll see. This is one of the best sleight of hand tricks a magician can learn but I did it in about 10 minutes cos I'm brilliant." She rounded  up each set of 5 cards and put them in piles, back up. "Put one hand over that pile, and one hand over that pile."
Noel did.
"Pick a hand for red."
"Left."
"Okay. You want all the red cards under your left hand?"
"Yeah."
Tilly put her hands on top of his. Her 16 year old hands not that much smaller than his 35 year old ones. She took hers away. "Take your hands off."
As Noel removed his left hand, she turned the cards over and fanned them out. "5 red. 5 black."
"Woah."
Tilly shuffled them up and lay them upside down on the tray. "Pick 5 cards that you might think are the same. Any 5 that you feel are the same colour."
Noel pulled them out slightly. 5 cards at random.
"Would it freak out out if these were the same?"
"A bit yeah." Noel smiled.
Tilly turned over the 5 cards Noel picked. "5 red." She turned over the remander. "5 black."
"Oh fuck off." Noel always got frustrated when he couldnt work out what she was doing.
Tilly smiled at him.

*

Noel slipped his hand in Dave's. "Brace yourself." He muttered.
The door flung open. Emeline. Stood with open arms, was a short, slightly rounded French woman, wearing a floral apron. "Bonjour mon petit pois!" She shrieked, flinging her arms around Noel, kissing him twice on each cheek.
"Hiyaaaaaa!" Noel half singsonged, his voice going highpitched.
She hit him over the head. "You're too thin." She moved on to Dave. "Bonjour David. How are you?"
"Always fine." Dave smiled.
Next Emeline moved on to Tilly. "Look at you. You are so big now. Last time I saw you you were just a little girl. Come in dont stand on the doorstep, people will think you are Avon." She ushered the 3 of them in.
"Avon calling." Noel said, in a deliberately gay accent.
"Little pea?" Dave asked.
Noel turned around. "Dont start."
Dave grinned. "I like it."

*

"You'll be alright wont you?" Dave asked, stroking Tilly's face.
"I'll be fine." Tilly managed through mushed cheeks.
"If you need to talk about something other than french cheese give me a ring."
"I can handle french cheese."
"Petit Filous is not a french cheese."

Comments

[colabottles.livejournal.com]

Next Emeline moved on to Tilly. "Look at you. You are so big now. Last time I saw you you were just a little girl. Come in dont stand on the doorstep, people will think you are Avon." She ushered the 3 of them in.
"Avon calling." Noel said, in a deliberately gay accent.

HAHA! Genius.

That made me really laugh out loud, and so did petit pois! Lmao!

This bit was really funny, I love Noels french nan already. Can't wait for the next bit! <3

(Just being finicky and nerdy, it's sleight of hand, not slide! :P)

[natawie.livejournal.com]

i thought it was.
but i didnt know how to spell that! LOL

[colabottles.livejournal.com]

I found out after researching Derren Brown's first show because I'm such a spoilsport and like to know how he does everything. ;)

Silly spelling anyway!

[natawie.livejournal.com]

i hate finding that stuff out.
:P

i changed it now :P

[naddypants.livejournal.com]

LOL Noel, the little pea. :)
Bless.

I like granny boosh. :)

Fookin' hell. Tilly's a fully fledged magician now! LOL
That's awesome!
Hahah I love her! :D

Eeeeeeep.
Avon calling.

[natawie.livejournal.com]

LOL
nanageddon
;)

[iluvvincenoir.livejournal.com]

AVON CALLING!!!
I have a bit of a weird obsession with poking fun at Avon ladies. I do an impression like Noel's on an almost daily basis! :D

[totalblamblam22.livejournal.com]

Professional lurker here. Just de-lurking to say how amazing these fics are! I only found them a few days ago, and I love how fast you're churning them out! This one just made my evening. =)
Also, you have now got me imagining Noel saying "Avon calling!" in his Sunflash voice! XDD
Keep it up, darling!