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booshslashhavenTitle: Erotic Nightmares, Healing Dreams
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Dream!Rape, Angst, squicky metaphors?
Summary: Noel has issues regarding his feelings for Julian and explores them as he sleeps.
Word count: ~2100
A/N: Written a while ago for![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
toratio , and posted now for silver_falcon24 because I have to do something of worldly importance.
He woke up crying into his pillow, his heart pounding. Fingers clutching the sheets, Noel pulled them up around his head, sobbing violently, unable to remember why he was crying. Careful not to wake Dee, he took in deep unsteady breaths for what felt like hours, slowly calming down and drifting back into the unsafe realm of sleep.
***
"Julian?" Noel watched the shadowed figure walk past, not even glancing at him. "Oi, Julian!" Suddenly, the dead street began to fill with people. In seconds, Noel was being buffeted back and forward by the heaving crowd, fighting a losing battle to stand high enough to see over the heads of the unnaturally tall people surrounding him and find Julian again.
"Hurry up," Julian commanded from somewhere nearby, and Noel spun around, trying to find where his voice had come from. But the masses on the lumpy cobbled street were too thick, too busy, and Noel simply lost his balance and tripped, falling to the ground, bumped and trampled on by passersby. "Julian!" He yelled, beginning to panic.
***
"Fuck, Noel, you look like shit."
Noel fell into the chair, and glared at his brother for a moment, before giving up on keeping his eyes open, and letting his head drop to the table with a loud thunk. He snored loudly and dramatically, before letting out a long groan and demanding Mike make him a cup of coffee.
"Go out last night?" Julian asked, wandering into the writing-room, drinking a can of cola which Noel immediately jumped to his feet for, and grabbed from Julian's hand. He swallowed half the can in one mouthful, before shaking his head and sitting back down.
"Couldn't sleep," He replied, running a hand through his unstyled hair.
***
An eternity passed before the crowd thinned. Noel was curled up in the smallest ball he could muster, sure that the feet trampling over him would start to hurt soon, not just force him down, down, down and away from wherever Julian was, waiting for him.
Slowly, as the people dissipated, Noel unfolded himself and rose to his feet, feeling unsteady in Vince-like heels. He looked around, and whispered, "Julian?"
But there was no tall northerner nearby. In fact, now, there was no one. The street was dead once again, and Noel was alone. He was at an intersection, and there were four streets branching away from him. He did all he could do: Chose one and ran, certain he was going the wrong way.
***
Julian picked up the now empty coca-cola can and shook it, before throwing it into the bin. "Noel," He said patiently, "Do you have a couple of pounds I can borrow, to get another drink from the machine?"
Mike wandered back from the sink, putting a mug of coffee in front of Noel, who drank deeply from it as he fished in his pocket, and pulled out some coins, holding them out for Julian. "Grab me another too, will you?"
Nodding, Julian took the money and walked back out the door. Noel took another long drink of coffee, and leant his head back on the chair with a sigh. He woke up from his doze when Julian came back through the door and carefully balanced one of the two cold cans we was carrying on Noel's forehead, before kissing the top of the can in an affectionate gesture. "And they all think you're the wife," He said, and sat down at the table, booting up the laptop.
***
Noel's legs were threatening to give out on him, but he kept running, further and further down the street calling Julian's name. The city was beginning to melt away, and before he knew it he was running through countryside, sure he should turn back and try another direction, but unsure of the way.
"Julian!" He cried desperately, falling to his knees, panic and tears quivering in his voice.
"Yes?" Came the response, and Noel looked up, to see his friend standing before him, hands in the pockets of his brown jacket, eyebrows raised as he looked down at him. Noel scrambled to stand up, but Julian's hand pushed down on his shoulder. "No," He said quietly, "Stay there."
***
"So whats wrong?" Julian asked around the cigarette in his lips as he struggled with his lighter. It was lunch break, although it felt the same as the rest of the morning had, since they'd not managed to get anything written.
"Told you," Noel said, leaning against the wall. He wrapped his green leather coat closer around him, choosing to take the fag break with Julian instead of eat lunch. "Didn't sleep."
"Why not?" Julian said, finally managing to light up and take a long drag.
"Kept having this dream, and waking up well shaken. Can't remember what it was, though. Just that it was the same one, again and again all night."
"Bummer."
"Yeah."
***
"Julian?" Noel asked unsurely, obediently on his knees.
"Shut up," He replied, un-zipping his jeans in front of Noel's face. "I think you should suck me off."
"But Julian, I don't want--"
"Just do it."
Feeling even more trampled on than before, hundreds of feet stepping all over him, crushing him, Noel reached up and opened Julian's trousers, pulling his pants down to free his hard-on. It looked like it was made from ice, cold and unfamiliar. Tentatively, Noel an his tongue up the shaft, tasting absolutely nothing, but finding himself right about it being ice-cold.
He peeked up at Julian, silently asking if it was all a game. Understanding, Julian shook his head slightly, and held wrapped his fingers though Noel's hair, pushing his head forcefully forward. Opening his mouth, Noel slid it as far as he could down Julian's length, and sucked cautiously. Thrusting into his mouth, Julian groaned, a sound that vibrated through Noel and shook tears from his eyes.
Tears that fell to the dusty ground and sizzled there, burning hot.
***
Dropping his cigarette onto the concrete ground, Julian stamped on is briefly before reaching out for Noel, putting a hand companionably on his shoulder, moving to walk inside.
Noel flinched away suddenly, taking a step backward, nearly tripping.
"Noel," Julian asked, "You okay?"
"Yeah..." Replied Noel, looking confused, his face paling slightly, "Sorry about that." He took a step back towards Julian, gripping him around the waist and pressing himself to his side as they walked back inside.
***
Julian was thrusting against his mouth, hard cock like a violent invader, and Noel was crying, crying, wishing Julian would just come for it to be over. Every few strokes Julian would thrust too deep, and Noel would gag, nearly retching, his hands were going white at the knuckles where they gripped his own thighs, just forcing himself to stay upright, and not collapse again, a wreck.
But still Julian just thrust harder and faster, fucking his mouth raw. And Noel knew he'd never come, he'd never stop, this would never end. And he cried harder, throat aching, and slowly fell away, spiralling back to consciousness with a hard thump.
***
In the pub, Julian pulled a note from his wallet, handing it to Noel. "Grab the drinks, will you?" Noel let out a petulant whine, not taking the money. "Just do it," Julian insisted, and suddenly something clicked for Noel, and the nightmares came flooding back. He stared at Julian, hand coming to his mouth and felt bile rising up in his throat. Tears welled in his eyes.
"Alright," Julian said, standing up, "I'll get the drinks then..."
When his broad back was standing at the bar, trying to get the bar-tenders attention, Noel stood and ran out of the pub.
***
Julian, I cant!
"Just answer me Noel."
I can't breath.
"Just say yes."
I can't move.
"Stop being indecisive."
I can't swallow, Julian. I can't see.
"Alright, Noel, if you don't want me, say no."
Please Julian, help.
***
Noel wasn't a fast runner, especially in Cuban heels, and Julian managed to catch up with him easily, leaving two full pints sitting on the bar. He stayed behind a few steps, watching Noel pause and look over his shoulder at him, before turning away. He had a feeling Noel would try and run again if he wasn't so out of breath from the short distance from the pub to the newsagent two blocks away.
"I'm so fucking tired," He gasped out, not necessarily to Julian, and bent over, catching his breath..
"What just happened back there?" Julian asked, putting a hand on Noel's back and rubbing gently.
A car trundled past, drowning out Noel's whispered reply.
"I didn't hear that."
"I said I can't look at you, Julian."
***
Lying on an unfamiliar bed, legs held up near his chest, Noel screamed in pain as Julian pulled out of him. Clutching at his broad shoulders, he tried to pull Julian back forward, tried to force Julian's erection back inside him.
"I have to go," Julian whispered, and Noel was left on the bed, trying to keep his organs from slipping out of him.
***
"Shall I put the kettle on?" Julian asked the moment they were through the door to Noel's house, watching him wander to the couch and slump on it, absently fiddling with the DVD remote.
"Yeah, good idea," Noel said. "You need to do this thing with the lid... it gets stuck. Just give it a twist tow--"
"I know how to do it," Julian replied, opening the lid and filling it with water.
"Right, forgot you were a master of the kettle. You tame it better than me. I'm shit at kettles."
Julian watched Noel from the kitchen, hearing the leather of the couch squeak as he slowly lay down, closing his eyes. Everything he was saying sounded exhausted.
"You should get some sleep."
"I don't want to," Noel murmured, already drifting off. Julian stepped out of the kitchen, crouching down to look at Noel's pale face. He reached out a hand to stroke his dark hair.
***
I thought you'd left me.
"Shall I get something?"
I'm losing myself, Julian.
"Maybe a cork...?"
You opened me right up, you wanker.
"Is that your kidney?"
Could be. My hearts under my lower intestine, reckon you could grab it for me?
"I don't really want to touch that."
***
Noel stirred as Julian dropped him onto the bed, letting out a gasp of air with the effort.
"Sorry," He said, "Didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep."
Noel laughed, grabbing his pillow and moving it closer. "Did you carry me from the lounge?"
"Fire-man's lift. You're fucking heavy."
Noel stretched out on the bed, his toes hanging off the edge, closing his eyes again. "Dee's not coming home tonight. Some gig, close to Sue's. She's staying there."
"I'll be on the couch. You get any DVDs out?"
Mumbling something about Trainspotting, Noel fell asleep again, and this time, slept until morning.
***
Just push it in there, Julian.
"This is disgusting."
Its just like bumming me.
"Yeah, with a liver."
Well I need it, so in it goes.
"It doesn't look in great shape."
What are you, a doctor?
"The intestines were the worst."
They did take a while.
"Alright, just one more."
I feel pretty full, are you sure there's room?
"Not really..."
What is it?
"Its Noel Fielding's heart."
Oh. You can have that one.
***
Noel stepped out into the lounge-room, just as Julian turned on the morning news.
"Turn that off," He said, making a face. "I hate that shit."
"You look better," Julian replied, muting the television and wandering over, dropping an arm around Noel's shoulder.
"Yeah, I feel it. You put me back together, Ju."
"That was nice of me."
Noel wandered over to the kitchen, pulling out a pan and grinning at Julian.
"You're not off the hook. You were the one to take me apart."
Julian tried not to look confused, and instead watched Noel pull ingredients out of the pantry.
"Please don't tell me you're going to try and make pancakes again," He said, and Noel turned the gas on the stove, wandering out of the kitchen, planting a short kiss on the corner of Julian's lips.
"Nope," He said, "You are. I'll have strawberries on mine, thanks. And icing sugar."
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Dream!Rape, Angst, squicky metaphors?
Summary: Noel has issues regarding his feelings for Julian and explores them as he sleeps.
Word count: ~2100
A/N: Written a while ago for
toratio , and posted now for silver_falcon24 because I have to do something of worldly importance. He woke up crying into his pillow, his heart pounding. Fingers clutching the sheets, Noel pulled them up around his head, sobbing violently, unable to remember why he was crying. Careful not to wake Dee, he took in deep unsteady breaths for what felt like hours, slowly calming down and drifting back into the unsafe realm of sleep.
***
"Julian?" Noel watched the shadowed figure walk past, not even glancing at him. "Oi, Julian!" Suddenly, the dead street began to fill with people. In seconds, Noel was being buffeted back and forward by the heaving crowd, fighting a losing battle to stand high enough to see over the heads of the unnaturally tall people surrounding him and find Julian again.
"Hurry up," Julian commanded from somewhere nearby, and Noel spun around, trying to find where his voice had come from. But the masses on the lumpy cobbled street were too thick, too busy, and Noel simply lost his balance and tripped, falling to the ground, bumped and trampled on by passersby. "Julian!" He yelled, beginning to panic.
***
"Fuck, Noel, you look like shit."
Noel fell into the chair, and glared at his brother for a moment, before giving up on keeping his eyes open, and letting his head drop to the table with a loud thunk. He snored loudly and dramatically, before letting out a long groan and demanding Mike make him a cup of coffee.
"Go out last night?" Julian asked, wandering into the writing-room, drinking a can of cola which Noel immediately jumped to his feet for, and grabbed from Julian's hand. He swallowed half the can in one mouthful, before shaking his head and sitting back down.
"Couldn't sleep," He replied, running a hand through his unstyled hair.
***
An eternity passed before the crowd thinned. Noel was curled up in the smallest ball he could muster, sure that the feet trampling over him would start to hurt soon, not just force him down, down, down and away from wherever Julian was, waiting for him.
Slowly, as the people dissipated, Noel unfolded himself and rose to his feet, feeling unsteady in Vince-like heels. He looked around, and whispered, "Julian?"
But there was no tall northerner nearby. In fact, now, there was no one. The street was dead once again, and Noel was alone. He was at an intersection, and there were four streets branching away from him. He did all he could do: Chose one and ran, certain he was going the wrong way.
***
Julian picked up the now empty coca-cola can and shook it, before throwing it into the bin. "Noel," He said patiently, "Do you have a couple of pounds I can borrow, to get another drink from the machine?"
Mike wandered back from the sink, putting a mug of coffee in front of Noel, who drank deeply from it as he fished in his pocket, and pulled out some coins, holding them out for Julian. "Grab me another too, will you?"
Nodding, Julian took the money and walked back out the door. Noel took another long drink of coffee, and leant his head back on the chair with a sigh. He woke up from his doze when Julian came back through the door and carefully balanced one of the two cold cans we was carrying on Noel's forehead, before kissing the top of the can in an affectionate gesture. "And they all think you're the wife," He said, and sat down at the table, booting up the laptop.
***
Noel's legs were threatening to give out on him, but he kept running, further and further down the street calling Julian's name. The city was beginning to melt away, and before he knew it he was running through countryside, sure he should turn back and try another direction, but unsure of the way.
"Julian!" He cried desperately, falling to his knees, panic and tears quivering in his voice.
"Yes?" Came the response, and Noel looked up, to see his friend standing before him, hands in the pockets of his brown jacket, eyebrows raised as he looked down at him. Noel scrambled to stand up, but Julian's hand pushed down on his shoulder. "No," He said quietly, "Stay there."
***
"So whats wrong?" Julian asked around the cigarette in his lips as he struggled with his lighter. It was lunch break, although it felt the same as the rest of the morning had, since they'd not managed to get anything written.
"Told you," Noel said, leaning against the wall. He wrapped his green leather coat closer around him, choosing to take the fag break with Julian instead of eat lunch. "Didn't sleep."
"Why not?" Julian said, finally managing to light up and take a long drag.
"Kept having this dream, and waking up well shaken. Can't remember what it was, though. Just that it was the same one, again and again all night."
"Bummer."
"Yeah."
***
"Julian?" Noel asked unsurely, obediently on his knees.
"Shut up," He replied, un-zipping his jeans in front of Noel's face. "I think you should suck me off."
"But Julian, I don't want--"
"Just do it."
Feeling even more trampled on than before, hundreds of feet stepping all over him, crushing him, Noel reached up and opened Julian's trousers, pulling his pants down to free his hard-on. It looked like it was made from ice, cold and unfamiliar. Tentatively, Noel an his tongue up the shaft, tasting absolutely nothing, but finding himself right about it being ice-cold.
He peeked up at Julian, silently asking if it was all a game. Understanding, Julian shook his head slightly, and held wrapped his fingers though Noel's hair, pushing his head forcefully forward. Opening his mouth, Noel slid it as far as he could down Julian's length, and sucked cautiously. Thrusting into his mouth, Julian groaned, a sound that vibrated through Noel and shook tears from his eyes.
Tears that fell to the dusty ground and sizzled there, burning hot.
***
Dropping his cigarette onto the concrete ground, Julian stamped on is briefly before reaching out for Noel, putting a hand companionably on his shoulder, moving to walk inside.
Noel flinched away suddenly, taking a step backward, nearly tripping.
"Noel," Julian asked, "You okay?"
"Yeah..." Replied Noel, looking confused, his face paling slightly, "Sorry about that." He took a step back towards Julian, gripping him around the waist and pressing himself to his side as they walked back inside.
***
Julian was thrusting against his mouth, hard cock like a violent invader, and Noel was crying, crying, wishing Julian would just come for it to be over. Every few strokes Julian would thrust too deep, and Noel would gag, nearly retching, his hands were going white at the knuckles where they gripped his own thighs, just forcing himself to stay upright, and not collapse again, a wreck.
But still Julian just thrust harder and faster, fucking his mouth raw. And Noel knew he'd never come, he'd never stop, this would never end. And he cried harder, throat aching, and slowly fell away, spiralling back to consciousness with a hard thump.
***
In the pub, Julian pulled a note from his wallet, handing it to Noel. "Grab the drinks, will you?" Noel let out a petulant whine, not taking the money. "Just do it," Julian insisted, and suddenly something clicked for Noel, and the nightmares came flooding back. He stared at Julian, hand coming to his mouth and felt bile rising up in his throat. Tears welled in his eyes.
"Alright," Julian said, standing up, "I'll get the drinks then..."
When his broad back was standing at the bar, trying to get the bar-tenders attention, Noel stood and ran out of the pub.
***
Julian, I cant!
"Just answer me Noel."
I can't breath.
"Just say yes."
I can't move.
"Stop being indecisive."
I can't swallow, Julian. I can't see.
"Alright, Noel, if you don't want me, say no."
Please Julian, help.
***
Noel wasn't a fast runner, especially in Cuban heels, and Julian managed to catch up with him easily, leaving two full pints sitting on the bar. He stayed behind a few steps, watching Noel pause and look over his shoulder at him, before turning away. He had a feeling Noel would try and run again if he wasn't so out of breath from the short distance from the pub to the newsagent two blocks away.
"I'm so fucking tired," He gasped out, not necessarily to Julian, and bent over, catching his breath..
"What just happened back there?" Julian asked, putting a hand on Noel's back and rubbing gently.
A car trundled past, drowning out Noel's whispered reply.
"I didn't hear that."
"I said I can't look at you, Julian."
***
Lying on an unfamiliar bed, legs held up near his chest, Noel screamed in pain as Julian pulled out of him. Clutching at his broad shoulders, he tried to pull Julian back forward, tried to force Julian's erection back inside him.
"I have to go," Julian whispered, and Noel was left on the bed, trying to keep his organs from slipping out of him.
***
"Shall I put the kettle on?" Julian asked the moment they were through the door to Noel's house, watching him wander to the couch and slump on it, absently fiddling with the DVD remote.
"Yeah, good idea," Noel said. "You need to do this thing with the lid... it gets stuck. Just give it a twist tow--"
"I know how to do it," Julian replied, opening the lid and filling it with water.
"Right, forgot you were a master of the kettle. You tame it better than me. I'm shit at kettles."
Julian watched Noel from the kitchen, hearing the leather of the couch squeak as he slowly lay down, closing his eyes. Everything he was saying sounded exhausted.
"You should get some sleep."
"I don't want to," Noel murmured, already drifting off. Julian stepped out of the kitchen, crouching down to look at Noel's pale face. He reached out a hand to stroke his dark hair.
***
I thought you'd left me.
"Shall I get something?"
I'm losing myself, Julian.
"Maybe a cork...?"
You opened me right up, you wanker.
"Is that your kidney?"
Could be. My hearts under my lower intestine, reckon you could grab it for me?
"I don't really want to touch that."
***
Noel stirred as Julian dropped him onto the bed, letting out a gasp of air with the effort.
"Sorry," He said, "Didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep."
Noel laughed, grabbing his pillow and moving it closer. "Did you carry me from the lounge?"
"Fire-man's lift. You're fucking heavy."
Noel stretched out on the bed, his toes hanging off the edge, closing his eyes again. "Dee's not coming home tonight. Some gig, close to Sue's. She's staying there."
"I'll be on the couch. You get any DVDs out?"
Mumbling something about Trainspotting, Noel fell asleep again, and this time, slept until morning.
***
Just push it in there, Julian.
"This is disgusting."
Its just like bumming me.
"Yeah, with a liver."
Well I need it, so in it goes.
"It doesn't look in great shape."
What are you, a doctor?
"The intestines were the worst."
They did take a while.
"Alright, just one more."
I feel pretty full, are you sure there's room?
"Not really..."
What is it?
"Its Noel Fielding's heart."
Oh. You can have that one.
***
Noel stepped out into the lounge-room, just as Julian turned on the morning news.
"Turn that off," He said, making a face. "I hate that shit."
"You look better," Julian replied, muting the television and wandering over, dropping an arm around Noel's shoulder.
"Yeah, I feel it. You put me back together, Ju."
"That was nice of me."
Noel wandered over to the kitchen, pulling out a pan and grinning at Julian.
"You're not off the hook. You were the one to take me apart."
Julian tried not to look confused, and instead watched Noel pull ingredients out of the pantry.
"Please don't tell me you're going to try and make pancakes again," He said, and Noel turned the gas on the stove, wandering out of the kitchen, planting a short kiss on the corner of Julian's lips.
"Nope," He said, "You are. I'll have strawberries on mine, thanks. And icing sugar."
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no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:21 am (UTC)Thank you.
I'm going to reread, and then i'll be back to complaining i've got nothing to read again *incentiveforyoutowritemore*
The imagery of this is just wonderful - putting him back together again, *sigh*
i've said it once, ill say it again.
i love you
no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:54 am (UTC)I must admit that when Julian was putting Noel back together, I only wrote that to cheer myself up.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 12:27 pm (UTC)I really loved the whole story and they way it was written.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:41 pm (UTC)Thankyou!
no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 12:55 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 02:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:43 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 02:20 pm (UTC)Despite wrongness putting back together, I love this so much.
What is it?
"Its Noel Fielding's heart."
Oh. You can have that one.
<3 <3 <3 <3
no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:45 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-25 07:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 07:05 pm (UTC)I never thought I'd read a story with rape in it and describe it as lovely at the end, but now I have!
Brilliantly written, and very emotive.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-24 11:49 pm (UTC)Thankyou, I'm glad you enjoyed it!
no subject
Date: 2009-01-25 02:21 am (UTC)I can't swallow, Julian. I can't see.
"Alright, Noel, if you don't want me, say no."
Please Julian, help.
*lovelovelove*
creeepy and wonderful and brilliant.
I love you more than silver_falcon24 does!
I found it enticing and beautiful.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-25 11:18 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-01-25 10:10 pm (UTC)Does that make sense?
haha
no subject
Date: 2009-01-25 11:02 pm (UTC)