![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
glasgowsmiles.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
booshslashhavenTitle: Vincent Noir and Howard Moon Are... Adrift
Pairing or Characters: Howince-ish
Summary: The Zooniverse is under new management, and Vince and Howard find themselves adrift. Featuring the moon, commitment papers, and the return of the magic mirror ball.
Word Count: 1,476
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: just the usual oddness
Challenge: none
Disclaimer: Oh, how loudly I disclaim! I throw myself, prostrate (not the second 'r'!) at the great and powerful feet of The Mighty Boosh, which is in no way mine!
Author’s Notes: Written in honour of TS, patron saint of textual poaching.
Chapter One: http://community.livejournal.com/booshsl
Chapter Two: http://community.livejournal.com/booshsl
Chapter Three: http://community.livejournal.com/booshslashhaven/858049.html#cutid1
“Vince? Are you there?” Howard whispered. It was dark, oppressively so. He hadn’t thought to bring a torch.
“I don’t know.”
“You’re there.” He sighed. “What do you mean you don’t know, I asked, you heard me, we’re clearly not actually very far apart from each other.”
“Well I can’t see, can I?”
“The rest of your faculties remain intact, I assume?” Howard glared witheringly in the direction of Vince’s voice. “OW!”
“Sorry.”
“What was that for?”
“I wanted to check if I was dreaming.”
“Then why pinch ME?”
“I wanted to check if you were dreaming?”
“When you’re the moon,” It appeared overheard, lending its silvery-blue light, illuminating Vince’s sheepish grin. “You get to see a lot of the arctic circle. Because, uh, it’s night there so much, and night is when the moon is out. At night, yeah? The moon is the king of that thing.”
“It’s about time that retard showed up.” Howard grumbled.
“Is that true?”
Howard blinked. “Well... it’s been dark for a bit, so yes, I suppose it is.”
“No, I mean about what he said, about the arctic circle. It weren’t always night when we went to the tundra, just normal night.”
“It’s true some of the time, yes.” Howard straightened up a bit, feeling knowledgeable. “Sometimes night in the arctic circle lasts all day.”
“Do you think the parka people spend all that time sleeping?”
“I try not to think about them, little man.”
Vince scooted over along the bench until he was leaning against Howard. “Are we there yet?”
“We’re here, aren’t we?”
“Well... where’s here? And what’s going on?”
Howard felt at the bump on the back of Vince’s head, touch ginger. “You remember, we had to leave the van behind when we got on the boat.”
“I don’t remember.” Vince pouted.
“Yes you do. We drove all day to get there, and we had to take a boat. We’re taking Fossil to go see Bainbridge’s friend. The new Bainbridge. And he’s going to make us managers when we get back. Because Fossil went insane—“
“I remember that part. Think he’s leading you on about the manager position, though.”
“Well someone’s got to do it.”
“Naboo, I bet. To keep him from suing over being hit.”
“Naboo doesn’t want to be manager. Managers do... paperwork. He’d have to cut back radically on smoking dope. The zoo will buy him some drugs and give him the weekend off and that’s it, forgive and forget.”
“Forget...” Vince echoed.
“You’ll see. When we get back, when all this is over,”
“When all what is over? I don’t even know what’s going on!” Vince shouted, springing to his feet.
“What are you talking about? All this. Where have you been living, behind a grandfather clock? Fossil, and Bjorn Bainbridge, and foreign mental institutions—“
“Yeah, you keep saying that. I remember bits of it, but I don’t remember driving and I never got on a boat and I don’t remember going to the toilet once since all this started! I don’t know if I ever remember going to the toilet!”
“Why would you want to remember going to the toilet?” Howard asked uneasily. He couldn’t remember, either. Those things Vince said, he knew them, he knew they’d driven, and left the van, and boarded the boat, but he didn’t remember, either, and if he’d been to the toilet at all that day, he couldn’t say when or where.
Vince was trembling now and hiding his face, and Howard set aside his own discomfort at physical contact to pull him into a hug.
“There, there. I’m sure you’ve been. I bet I made you go before we left the zoo, it’s all right.”
“I’m not upset about the toilet! Howard, did I really hit my head that hard?”
“No... no, little man, I don’t think it’s that. I think... I think bits of our lives are missing. Boring times, when nothing happens, it’s like they don’t exist.”
“But I’m bored all the time!”
“But... those times you remember being bored, yeah? What happens?”
“I dunno. I bother you.”
“That’s right. You remember those times. Can you remember being bored without us having a bicker or a crimp or something after? A time when you didn’t pester me, maybe when I wasn’t there?”
Vince shook his head.
“Do you remember going for your squash earlier?”
Again. “I said I was going to. I remember I didn’t get it... because I saw Fossil!” He smiled in triumph, then faded. “Only I didn’t. Well I did, but... I don’t remember seeing him, I remember telling you I saw him. Howard, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know, little man. I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. Strange things happen all the time, yeah? But they always sort themselves out in the end, don’t they? This too shall pass.”
Vince cuddled into Howard again, arms wrapping around like a very friendly octopus.
“All right, all right, get off me.”
“I feel like having a bit of exercise.” Vince said suddenly, releasing Howard and stretching out. “Want to come with?”
“No. I hardly think the boat has a gym area.”
“Just a jog around the deck, then.”
“I’ll wait here.”
Vince frowned for a moment. “I could help you!”
“I don’t feel like exercising.”
“You’re grumpy again.”
“I’ve got a lot on my mind.”
“You said you wouldn’t worry about it.” Vince accused.
“I said I wouldn’t worry about it if I were you. Someone has got to worry, that’s my job in this partnership.”
Vince chewed his lip for a moment, watching Howard brood. Then he pulled out his magic mirror ball. “Will Howard’s naff Hawaiian shirts ever make a comeback?”
“Oh, will you give that thing a rest!”
“Yes.” Vince grinned over the mirror ball.
“You will?”
“Good news, Howard, magic mirror ball thinks you’ll be okay with your weekend wear.” He winked. “Do women really like Howard’s moustache?”
“Vince, cut it out.”
“Yes! More good news, eh? What about weird jazzy hats? Yes.”
“Give me that.” Howard snatched the magic mirror ball away, careful not to shake it. It said ‘hell no’. “Have you been lying to me?”
Vince squirmed. “Maybe?”
“About all of it?”
“... Yes.”
“Why would you even do that?”
“I thought it would make you happy.” Vince pouted again, taking his toy back. “I thought you might cheer up if you thought—“
“Has it said no every time?”
Vince nodded.
“Women don’t really like my moustache?”
Vince shook his head. Howard grabbed the magic mirror ball back. “Doesn’t anyone find the ‘tache sexy?”
‘Yes’
Vince blushed and regained his ball. “Well, there you go, one person really does like your lip stain.”
“Someone should go check on Fossil.”
Vince sighed and headed down below decks, Howard trailing after. “He’s asleep. Hardly looks comfortable, does it? All belted up.”
“Well...” Howard’s forehead creased. “He’s asleep. Besides, we’re on a boat, where can he go?”
“I ain’t goin’ near him.”
“Fine.” Howard loosened the belts and threw a blanket over Fossil. “You’ve still got the map, right?”
“Yeah. You’ve got the, uh, other thing?”
“The commitment papers. Maybe we should take a look...”
“Why?” Vince shrugged, jogging back up the steps to the deck.
“Look, Vince, I’m not just a zookeeper, cream poet, struggling novelist, and jazz maverick. I’m also a Shakespearean actor. And if there’s one thing that life has taught me, it’s that you never want to transport a revenge-seeking lunatic overseas without verifying that the documents you’re carrying don’t order anyone put to death!”
“Wow, the theatre is more interesting than I gave it credit for.”
Howard rolled his eyes and opened the envelope.
“Well?”
“Won’t keep his clothes on, violent outburst, please take care, treat kindly... No.” Howard blinked. “Nothing in here about killing him. Well that’s a relief! We can carry out our duty guiltlessly.”
“Okay.” Vince yawned, settling down on the bench and pulling Howard along after him for use as a pillow. “Let’s have a nap ‘til the boat stops.”
“Sure.” Howard gave in, putting his arm around Vince, letting his cheek rest on top of the smaller man’s head. Vince’s hair was silky and sweet smelling, fruit and flowers. Vince was snoring gently now, catlike, and Howard hazarded a soft kiss to the top of his head.
Vince snuffled softly in his sleep, his hand tightening its grip on the pocket of Howard’s jacket.
“We’ll be all right, little man.” Howard whispered. “I’ll see we’re all right. I promise, I won’t let anything happen to you. I’ll never let anything happen to you, Vince... I—“
“Howard,” Vince sighed. Awake or asleep Howard couldn’t tell. Discretion being the better part of not alienating ones best mate, he shut his mouth and kept it shut.
Eventually, he fell asleep.
~~~tbc~~~
~Glas
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 08:10 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 06:28 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 08:12 am (UTC)I feel bad for poor Howard, I seem to be torturing him a bit, letting him almost spit it out, then slapping a lid on it. I'll have to make it up to them when Vince is awake...
no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 07:12 am (UTC)“Howard,” Vince sighed. Awake or asleep Howard couldn’t tell. Discretion being the better part of not alienating ones best mate, he shut his mouth and kept it shut.
This is so cute and so funny all at once. I like them realising that only parts of their lives actually happen...
no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 08:13 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 11:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 09:18 am (UTC)Stop confusing me with mixed emotions!! I'm a very simple girl, I like simple things, like: slash, mindless fluff and kink!!
Ahhhhhh, who'm I kidding, I'm loving it, haha! And Angst only ever serves to make the slashiness cuter, the Fluffiness sweeter and the kinkiness raunchier!!!! Lolz, you have my blessing...not that you wanted it, bah ha ha!!
I'm loving that they're kinda realizing that their lives are like a TV show (a very crazy, hilarious and undeniably awesome TV show :p) I'm so so excited to see where this is going!!
Brie xx
no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 10:57 am (UTC)Sometimes the simple things really are best, aren't they? *grins* Ooh, blessing!
Thanks much!
no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 03:05 pm (UTC)I love the way you can see how much Vince and Howard need each other and rely on one another. It's so sweet.
xxx
no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 06:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 06:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 06:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-11 10:41 pm (UTC)It's almost the 4th wall but not quite
no subject
Date: 2009-06-12 07:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-12 05:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-12 07:39 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-06-14 04:44 pm (UTC)‘Yes’
*squee*
no subject
Date: 2009-06-15 11:19 am (UTC)Thanks for reading and squeeing!