booshslashhaven | Duplicity (Part 9)

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Title: Duplicity (part 9)
Rating: NC-17
Pairing: Howard/girl!Vince. Howard/Vince
Word count: 4175
Genre: Fluffy-angsty-romance. (Is that even a genre?!)
Warnings: Sex-change fic. Lots of Angst and Drama.
Summary: Vince had never imagined Howard would fall for Vinessa so quickly. He knows he has to let him down gently, but the question is, can he actually bring himself to do it when Howard isn't the only one falling?
Disclaimer: I, of course, do not own Howard or Vince. And I think that we can all agree that that is probably for the best. In no way is any of this true; it's all just a figment of my sordid imagination. No harm meant and no money is being made.
Author Notes: Once again, for

bookends999

Comments and cc always welcome!

One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight

Vince stirred, blinking his eyes and rubbing his nose against the warm, familiar scented shoulder he was laying on. He yawned, stretching out his leg and uncurling from the position he had been sleeping in. The hand in resting in his hair pulled away and he made a soft little noise of protestation in the back of his throat.

The shoulder moved and the sound of quiet laughter reached his ears. He pulled back a little, blinking up at Howard and pouting. Howard smiled and shook his head, ruffling Vince’s hair.

“Oi, watch it,” Vince said, grinning as he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair to smooth it down.

Howard’s smile widened. “Well,” he said, “that’s a bit more like it.”

Vince laughed, his chest feeling lighter than it had in a long time as Howard grinned at him. “Oh, shut it, you,” he said as he shook his head, bumping Howard’s shoulder with his own.

Howard said nothing, just continued to smile with his eyes all bright and creased at the edges. Vince sighed and rested his head back on Howard’s shoulder. It was then that he noticed how quiet the room was. Frowning, he looked over at the television. The DVD had stopped on the end credits. He blinked. He was sure that that DVD had only just been starting the last time he looked at the tele.

“How long was I out for?”

“A little while,” Howard said, his hand once more settled in his hair, more uncertainly this time, then stroking more surely as Vince sighed and relaxed. “The film ended a little while ago.”

“You should’ve woken me up.” Vince frowned as Howard’s hand paused, then smiled again as it settled around his shoulders instead, squeezing him and tugging him closer against Howard. “You can’t have been comfortable.”

Howard squeezed Vince again, and Vince felt him shrug against his cheek softly. “I didn’t want to wake you up. You looked really peaceful.”

Vince pulled back, blinking and smiling softly as he looked up at Howard. “Oh. Thank you,” he said quietly, swallowing firmly.

“You were drooling, too.” Vince’s eyes widened as he spluttered indignantly.

“I do not drool! That‘s disgusting, Howard.”

“Not even for Gary?” Vince sat up a little and grinned, shaking his head.

“No, not even for Gary,” he said, laughing.

“Mick?”

Vince laughed harder, resting his forehead on Howard’s shoulder. “Maybe for Mick,” he conceded, still laughing as Howard joined in.

Howard sobered first, raising his hand to play with the feathered ends of Vince’s hair. “It’s nice to see you happy. You’ve not been yourself just lately.”

Vince swallowed, sighing softly. “I’m okay, Howard. I promise, yeah?”

“As long as you promise,” Howard said, his words filled with sincerity, “because I really don’t like it when you’re down. It’s just not right. It puts me all off balance.”

Howard’s hand was warm and heavy on Vince’s back as it rested just below his shoulder blades now, tucked underneath Vince’s hair to lay against the thin fabric of his top. Vince felt his stomach twist as he looked up, his eyes taking in the strong angle of Howard’s jawbone as he gazed at his profile.

Vince didn’t know whether it was their proximity or the lightness of their interaction or just the fact that he’d done this so many times in the last few weeks, but before he could stop himself, Vince was leaning up to press a kiss to Howard’s stubble covered skin. Howard moved at the very last moment, twisting around to look at Vince and Vince’s lips landed dry and soft against the corner of Howard’s mouth. Vince’s heart raced as he moved to pull away, hearing Howard’s sharp intake of breath and assuming it was shock.

But then Howard pressed his hand to the nape of Vince’s neck, gripping him lightly and holding him there as he pressed his mouth more firmly to Vince’s. The kiss was soft, chaste and closed-lipped, but still it sent sharp tingles like icy fingers crawling up Vince’s spine. He shivered, pressing closer as he sagged forward. Howard’s hand twisted in Vince’s hair as the other cupped his cheek, rough and warm, as Howard opened his mouth and tentatively ran his tongue over Vince’s bottom lip. Vince gasped, pressing forward, eagerly tempting Howard inside, but then the hand on his cheek slipped to his shoulder and gripped tightly, and suddenly Howard was pushing Vince back, hard and forceful. Vince’s eyes widened as he panted, his lips still tingling as his pulse thundered.

“Oh god, I’m so sorry,” Howard said, looking ready to bolt at any second. Vince shook his head, as Howard began to move back, reaching out to grasp Howard’s forearm.

“No, no, Howard,” Vince said quickly, shaking his head, “it’s okay, yeah. Don’t….”

“No, Vince, it’s not okay. God. I just … I can’t do this. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Howard….”

“I’ve got Vinessa, Vince. And I … I love her.” Howard pulled his arm from Vince’s grasp. Vince worried his lip, his brow furrowing as he frowned.

“Than why,” Vince started, swallowing thickly, “why did you kiss me?”

“I didn’t! You kissed me first.”

“I …” Vince shook his head. “You moved. You kissed me back,” Vince said, his chest tightening at the expression on Howard’s face.

“I … I was confused. I didn’t … you don’t.…” Howard shook his head, sighing. “Why did you kiss me?” He looked so confused, hurt, eyes wide and fingers clenched on the edge of the sofa.

“I … I don’t know,” Vince said, looking down and cursing himself internally for his cowardice. “I….”

“Is this because you’re jealous? Because if it is….”

“It’s not that! I’m not jealous,” Vince said, twisting his fingers around the hem of his top. Howard sighed and Vince almost looked up, but he wasn’t sure he could stand Howard looking at him right now; everything Vince was feeling would be right there in his eyes.

“Vince, “ Howard began, his voice so soft it made Vince’s chest ache, “I’m not … this was a mistake. You’re not … I’m sorry. I should go.”

Vince looked up sharply as he felt the Sofa dip and spring back as Howard stood up. “Howard!”

“I have to go, Vince. This was wrong. It’s not … we’re not,” he trailed off and shook his head, swallowing, “I’m sorry.”

Vince bit his lip, his eyes stinging as he watched Howard turned around quickly without another door. The door to Howard’s room slammed shut and Vince sagged back on the sofa. Lifting his legs up, he laid his head on his knees as he hugged them tightly, hiccupping and sniffing softly to himself as he closed his eyes.

*****

Howard avoided Vince for the rest of the week, hiding out in his room whenever they were in the flat, and Vince didn’t know whether he was thankful or troubled by that. Part of him wanted to speak to Howard, to find out what it had meant; why Howard had kissed him back. But the other part, the larger part couldn’t stand the thought of Howard apologising to him again; saying it was all just a mistake again.

Vince spent a lot of time in his bedroom, too.

The only time they couldn’t avoid each other was when they were working. Even then Howard seemed to spend more time in the stock room than he usually would; counting, re-arranging, sorting through the stock, Vince wasn’t exactly sure what it was he was doing there. When they were in the same room together the time was punctuated with long, uncomfortably silences and awkward, timid half-glances.

By the end of the week Vince felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders.

Friday afternoon came and they shut the shop early. Howard slinked straight off to his room as soon as he entered the flat, leaving Vince to slump down on the sofa alone. He flicked through the television channels, sighing loudly as he switched it back off and chucked the remote on the floor. He was just about to go and make himself a cup of tea when Naboo stepped into the room, sitting down on the opposite end of the sofa. Vince shifted, sitting back as he felt Naboo’s eyes on him.

“Alright, Naboo,” Vince said, forcing a smile. Naboo grunted something incoherent in reply. Vince shifted again.

“So, you out tonight then….” Naboo said, not bothering with a ‘hello’.

Vince shrugged and nodded his head. “‘S not much else to do on a Friday night.”

“And Howard’s going out with Vinessa right?” Vince’s stomach flipped at the calculated tone of Naboo’s voice; he could virtually hear his thoughts ticking over.

“Um, I think so yeah. Why?” Vince asked, picking a bit of fluff from his black jeans and looking up at Naboo awkwardly.

Naboo shrugged and stared at Vince carefully. “Just asking,” he said. Vince looked away and cleared his throat.

“I um, I think I’ll go start getting ready,” Vince said finally, still feeling Naboo’s eyes on him. Naboo mumbled something again and Vince stood up quickly, making his way to his room before Naboo would ask him anymore awkward questions.

*****

Howard was late.

It was almost twenty past eight and Vince was beginning to feel uncomfortable. He was sat on his own at a table in the little restaurant, sipping a glass of wine and trying to calm his nerves.

It was a nice place - well decorated but informal and the staff were friendly and nice. Vince liked it, maybe at any other time he might have actually been able to relax and enjoy himself here but that evening he was too tense.

He almost hadn’t come; hadn‘t known how he could face Howard after the kiss. But he needed to see Howard, to talk to him. Even if that could only be as Vinessa. Even if he couldn’t say what he really wanted to say.

After the sullen, disturbing week he’d just had with little or no contact he needed something.

Eventually, at just gone half past eight, when Vince was about to give up and leave, he spotted Howard coming in the door hurriedly. He looked harried and worried, stressed, and Vince felt his chest tighten.

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Howard said as he sat down, flashing Vince a grin that he recognised immediately as false. “I missed the bus.”

Vince shook his head. “That’s okay,” he said as he nodded to his drink - his second glass - and forced a smile. “I’ve been alright.”

Howard shifted in his seat as Vince looked at him, fiddling awkwardly with his chair and then picking at the cutlery, rearranging it. Vince frowned.

“Are you alright?” Vince asked quietly, his throat tight as he swallowed. Howard sighed, tapping his fingers on the table lightly.

“Things … oh,” he started, pausing, he shook his head suddenly and smiling and once again Vince could tell it was forced, “I’m fine really! Just … a bit stressed that’s all. Work and stuff, you know.”

Vince nodded, worrying his lip between his teeth as Howard refused to look at him. “Are you sure that’s all? I mean, you and Vince, everything’s alright there isn’t it? I know you said things had been difficult. And you said you were going to talk to him….” Vince’s stomach flipped as soon as he’d said it, his teeth digging in harder.

Howard picked up his napkin, fiddling with it for a second before he unfolded it and placed it on his lap.

“Vince and I….” he trailed off, pausing and inhaling slowly and Vince felt his chest knot, “we’re … we’re fine,” he finished finally, sighing. “It’s just - nothing - it’s nothing. Just bad timing that’s all.” He smiled, and Vince felt the knot tighten.

Bad timing? What did Howard mean by that?

Vince was just about to ask when the waiter arrived, handing them menus and asking if they wanted anything to drink. Vince sighed and ordered another glass of wine and Howard surprised him by ordering a bottle instead.

“Well, we might as well enjoy ourselves,” Howard said, smiling as the waiter placed the bottle of red wine in the centre of the table, placing a glass down next to each of them. Vince watched as the waiter poured them both a small glass and Howard lifted his, holding it forward for Vince to tap. “Cheers,” Howard said with a too large, too bright grin and Vince whispered it back, smiling uncertainly.

It wasn’t hard for Vince to tell Howard was hiding something.

*****

That evening at the flat, everything was different. As Howard laid Vince down on the bed, he was less unsure of himself, more certain and forward. Not forceful or demanding, but more intense than anybody Vince had been with had before.

It was as if Howard couldn’t get close enough to him; couldn’t touch enough of his skin; couldn’t taste him enough; couldn’t make Vince gasp and moan loud enough.

And afterwards, as Vince lay quiet and still, breath heavy and skin slicked with sweat, listening to Howard’s heart racing in his chest, as he drifted off to sleep, he was sure he heard Howard whisper two words against his hair, barely audible and soft like the wisp of a summer’s breeze:

“I’m sorry.”

*****

Howard was still asleep when Vince woke, breathing soft and steady, and Vince let himself watch him for a moment. He looked so peaceful, so relaxed lying there; unaware and innocent.

Vince sighed as he carefully and quietly slipped out of the bed, shifting a pillow for Howard’s hand to rest on as he moved out from under him. Slipping on his jeans, he grabbed Howard’s robe and smiled softly to himself as he pulled it on. It was far too big for him but somehow it felt comforting as he tugged it around himself and fastened it. He glanced once more at Howard, still sleeping soundly, before he turned and quickly slipped out of the room.

Wondering into the kitchen, Vince smiled as he poured two glasses of water, one for himself and one for Howard. He took a long sip of his, feeling the cool liquid ease his dry throat as it slipped down. It wasn’t until he turned back around that he noticed he wasn’t alone.

He startled as Naboo walked into the kitchen behind him. Naboo smiled as he looked up at Vince, but Vince knew straight away that it wasn’t a friendly one. He swallowed thickly, setting down the two glasses.

“Oh, um, hello, Naboo,” he said, running his hand through his hair.

“Vinessa, I assume?” Naboo said, smiling again and Vince shuffled on the spot. “Pleased to meet you.” He was still a good amount taller than the diminutive shaman, but somehow, the way Naboo was looking at him was making him feel small.

Vince nodded his head, feeling his stomach twist as Naboo looked him slowly up and down, holding his gaze for a few seconds before Vince had to look away.

“I knew it,” Naboo said suddenly, his smile turning to a look of disbelief as he shook his head. “What the hell do you think you are playing at?”

“Naboo?” Vince turned too look at him, widening his eyes in a look of false surprise but Naboo just waved his hand.

“Don’t, Vince. Just Don’t. Do you think I’m stupid?”

“I don’t know what….”

“Vince! I told you. I know. So stop pretending.”

Vince bit his lip, looking down as his fingers fiddled with the end of the robe’s tie. “Naboo….” he whispered, voice soft, “it’s not….”

“It’s not what it looks like?” Naboo asked incredulously, his voice raising and Vince cast a worried look in the direction of the bedrooms. “So, you didn’t steal my magic book so you could make yourself into a woman then? You’re not lying and deceiving Howard, pretending to be interested him? For what, Vince? What possible reason could you have for doing this? Do you know how much trouble I could get into with the board if they find out? This is a powerful spell, it‘s not supposed to be used for getting one over on your mate!”

“I didn’t do it for….”

“Shut up, Vince! Did you even read the small print? Do you have any idea what you’ve done?”

“I….” Vince trailed off, biting his lip. “Small print?”

“Yes.” Naboo sighed. “At the bottom of the page? Did you even see it?”

“I didn’t think it was important….”

Naboo gaped and shook his head. “I … how many times have you used this spell, Vince. Honestly.”

Vince shrugged. “Twenty. I don’t know….”

“Twenty?!” Naboo lifted his hands in the air as he turned sharply around and walked out to the living room. He turned around and angrily gestured for Vince to follow him when he remained rooted to his spot. “The spell is cumulative, Vince. That’s what it said in the small print. I don’t believe this.” Naboo said, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

“Cumu-what?” Vince asked, frowning as he awkwardly walked towards Naboo.

“Cumulative! It means it adds up. The more you use it the longer you’ll stay a woman until it’s permanent . How long did it last the last time?”

“Um, nearly a whole day,” Vince said, his stomach twisting as he watched as Naboo began to pace.

“Then it’s not too bad yet,” Naboo said finally, as he stopped in front Vince, “but this is the last time. It has to stop. You have to break whatever the hell it is you have going on with Howard right now and give me back my spell book. This is over.”

Vince’s stomach flipped again, his chest tightening. “No … Naboo, you don’t understand. I can’t just end it with him like that, it’s not fair.”

“And pretending to be someone you’re not is?” Naboo asked, holding Vince’s gaze. Vince didn’t think that he’d seen Naboo this angry since they’d inadvertently unleashed Nanatoo. “I don’t know what you thought you were achieving with this. Haven’t you humiliated him enough in the past? The bloke might be a bloody freak but he doesn’t deserve this.”

“No, Naboo. It’s not like that! I wanted to help him. Please, I don’t want to hurt him….”

“Are you not listening to me?” Naboo asked, his voice hardening even further. “You go back in there and you end it with him. Now.”

“But….” Vince swallowed thickly, looking down. “What do I say to him?”

“I don’t care. Make something up. Tell him you’re getting married. Whatever it takes. Just end it.”

“Naboo….“ Vince sniffed, feeling wetness gathering behind his eyes. He blinked quickly. “I - it’s not about humiliating him. It was never about that. I just wanted to help….” he finished softly, but Naboo ignored him, continuing to speak:

“I’ll call Leroy. You can hide around there until the effects have worn off. And then when you come back I want you to give me back everything you’ve taken from me. And I want you to promise that you will never do something this stupid again.” He sighed. “Well, that’s probably too much to ask. Bloody idiots, the pair of you.” He shook his head softly.

“This isn’t Howard’s fault.”

“No,” Naboo said, looking up at Vince once more, his eyes stern. “It’s not.”

“Naboo.”

“Enough. This could ruin me if it gets out. And it’s dangerous, don’t you understand? You have to stop this, now.” Vince sniffed again, the wetness building further. “Well, what are you waiting for?”

“I….” Vince watched as Naboo shook his head and slowly began to turn away from Vince, all the way around until his back was facing him. “Naboo…”

“No, Vince,” Naboo said, still not turning around again. “This is your mistake. And now you have to fix it. I won’t tell you again.”

Vince inhaled slowly, biting his lip as he nodded to Naboo’s back silently, his throat too tight to speak. Naboo was right.

He’d known all along what he was doing was wrong.

He knew he had to end it with Howard.

He just didn’t know how.

*****

Howard stirred as Vince slowly pushed open the door to his room, turning over in the bed to smile at Vince. Vince’s chest tightened and his heart throbbed painfully as he swallowed.

“I….”

“Where have you been?” Howard asked, as he sat up, the covers pooling about his waist. “It was cold in here without you.”

“I had to … I had to get up. I needed to think,” Vince said softly as he bent down to pick up his top. He turned around as he let the robe slip from his shoulders, pulling on his T-shirt without bothering with a bra.

“What are you doing?” Howard asked, and Vince bit his lip, unable to turn around.

“I have to go Howard,” he said softly.

“Oh,” Howard sounded disappointed, “but it’s still early yet.”

“I know. But, it’s complicated. I just have to.”

“Don’t I get a goodbye kiss first?” Howard asked, a hint of teasing in his voice, and Vince’s chest constricted again.

“No, I don’t think that’s a very good idea. I - I’m not coming back, Howard.” He inhaled shakily. “It’s over.”

“W-what?” Howard spluttered, sounding confused. “Why?”

“I - I’m engaged.” Vince squeezed his eyes shut as he heard Howard gasp. “It’s not - I don’t want to, but I have to. My parents….”

“They’re forcing you?” Vince heard the bed dip and he swallowed thickly.

“I just - I told you it was complicated.”

A hand touched Vince’s shoulder, spinning him around gently. Vince looked down, Howard’s hand cupping his jaw forcing him to look up again. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “It’s not you. It’s really not. I - there’s no way I can get out of it. I have to….”

“Vinessa, I love you….” Howard said as his fingers brushed a stray tear from Vince’s cheek.

“Please don’t make this any harder,” Vince whispered. “I’m sorry, but I have to go.” He steeled himself, inhaling slowly and looking Howard in the eye. “I do love you, Howard. But you deserve somebody better than me. Someone who won’t lie to you and who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”

“I….” Howard trailed off, closing his eyes and sighing. “You’re really leaving aren’t you?”

“Yes.”

Howard dropped his hand from Vince’s cheek and turned away. Vince watched, his eyes stinging as Howard walked back to the bed, sitting down on it heavily.

“Howard?”

“What are you waiting for then?” Howard asked, looking up, and Vince stepped back at the look in his eyes. He looked angry and hurt and confused. But most of all he just looked resigned, as if he’d been waiting for this to happen all along.

“I….”

“Just go, Vinessa,” Howard said softly, dropping his head again. “Just go.”

Vince stood there, staring at Howard through his heavily watering eyes, his vision blurred. Finally, he nodded to himself, letting out a shuddering breath as he turned and left.

*****

Naboo was still in the living room when Vince walked through, although Vince barely noticed him. He stopped though, when Naboo said his name.

“Have you done it?” Naboo asked, his voice still as hard as it was before.

Vince nodded, not looking up.

“Good. I called Leroy, he’s expecting you.”

“I … okay.”

“Vince?” Naboo’s voice had softened now, he sounded quieter, unsure. “Are you alright?”

“No,” Vince said as he looked up finally. “I’m really not.”

“I … Vince, you had to end it, you know. Besides, it’s not like you were … Oh no. You were, weren’t you? Vince, you couldn’t have carried on with it, no matter how you felt.”

“But you couldn’t let me do it in my own time, could you?” Vince said, angry now. “You had to make me do that. Well, I hope you’re happy now?” Not waiting for Naboo’s answer, Vince pushed forward, darting down the stairs without even bothering with his shoes.

*****

By the time Vince arrived at Leroy’s and knocked on his door quietly, his feet were sore and his eyes were streaming.

But he didn’t care.

He just waited, shuffling on the doorstep and sniffing and willing Leroy to hurry up.

“Vince? Is that you?” Leroy asked, his forehead creased and eyes wide with surprise as he opened the door and stared at him. Vince sniffed and looked down, opening his mouth to speak. Instead of words though, he just sobbed and the next thing he knew he was being pulled forward and hugged tightly.

Leroy ushered him into his house eventually, keeping one arm around him. He sighed and shook his head as he closed the door and turned to look at Vince.

“Oh, mate,“ he said softly, “what the fucking hell have you done now?”