![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
naget-innle.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
booshslashhavenTitle: Depression (2/?)
Pairing or Characters: Howince. Contains most characters from the Boosh World,
Summary: "Something we tried to keep secret from the word, for his sake and mine. Because somtimes, your darkest thoughts aren't the rest of the world's business. He only lets me help him, when he gets like this." Howard-Centric angst, basically. In Vince's POV.
Word Count: 2, 798
Rating: PG+13 for its dark and ansgsty-ness, plus some swearing.
Warnings: Erm...angst, but I think that's about it.
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN IT. I just feel really bad for ruining such genius with my own angsty needs.
Author’s Notes: Part two. Hope you enjoy.
Part One
Time slipped away very quickly. Before I knew it, it had been ten years since I’d been working in the zoo. Things were back to a good kind of normal – Howard’s funks (I was still calling them that, but no longer in a bitter way) were only occasional things, and I tenderly comforted him when they came around.
But some of the best memories I have led to a funk, and maybe that’s because they led to the resulting tenderness, or because they were just highlights of our lives. Outside the stories you know so well, our lives were actually pretty boring. There’s only so much entertainment you can bleed out of a zookeeper’s life. Shovelling poop doesn’t make for the best storytelling.
Things really got interesting after Howard decided to grow a moustache, though I really don’t think his choice of facial hair had anything to do with it.
After defeating the Killeroo and exposing himself in front of all those boxing-enthusiasts, Howard slipped into a pretty low place. His deformity was quickly zapped away by everyone’s favourite Shaman, but the public shame wasn’t something that could just be zapped away. It didn’t help that jerk Jonny the Reach had to come through with his promise and knocked Howard on his face. He crawled to hide himself in his bed, but I wasn’t letting him stay there for too long.
Just because I felt like ice cream, I bought a very large tub of raspberry swirl and took it to Howard in his bedroom. He only had one clean spoon, so we were forced to share. To be honest, I didn’t particularly mind, and (despite his complains about germ transfusion) I didn’t think Howard minded either.
See, the thing is, after spending so long with Howard, having to comfort him in the completely backwards way of letting him hold me, maybe I was getting a little confused about my feelings for him at that point. I was relying on him for that embrace as much as he needed it for comfort. I liked Howard holding me, which would eventually lead to my taunting him just to inspire his funks and the results.
I could’ve, and should’ve been better to him right from the beginning.
But, regardless, it wasn’t just me who had the ability to push Howard into his darkness. In fact, pretty much everyone did. But two people had the distinct ability to do it quickly and efficiently, without too much effort: me, and the lovely but sickly Vittoria Gideon.
He had such pride the time he rescued her python, and I know he was still wounded about her unintentionally forgetting him. So I tried, so hard, to get her to remember his name. To call him by it just once, so he didn’t feel so hurt. I even went to the effort to get a large piece of card with his name written on it that I left in her hut and held up behind him whenever his name would come up in conversation. Howard assumed that her momentary pause and the squinting was just her trying to remember him through her tumour-taunted memory.
When he found out, though, he was crushed. I was in the ocelot enclosure, talking with Ursula, when he came in, looking so broken. “Gideon just spoke to me.” He announced.
There was so much hurt in his voice, I immediately turned to look at him. He looked like he was holding back tears. “And?”
“She was looking for you.” Howard answered bitterly, “She said ‘where that boy? The one with the fabulous hair who follows you around with your name on a peice of cardboard.’ Vince...” he paused, looking into my eyes, trying to find the truth there, “Are you following me around with my name?”
I looked away and swallowed guiltily, “Only when Mrs Gideon’s around.”
“Thanks a lot, little man.” He snapped bitterly, and he left.
That night, wrapped in his embrace as he shuddered and cried beneath me, he choked out: “Why did you do it?”
Another lie to ease the pain, “I know you love Gideon, and I just wanted to help her remember you.”
“Vince, Vince...” he mumbled into my hair, “she’s not going to remember me, and a sign with my name on it simply won’t help. She’s sick.”
“M’sorry, Howard.” I muttered sleepily.
“I know, Vince. I know.”
Sometimes, I didn’t come out of Howard’s depression in one piece. Some of the things he said were so disheartening that they even pierced my sunny exterior and hit some dark place inside me that was growing and growing with every new session. It was becoming too hard to just lie in Howard’s arms and let him hold me without wanting to do more.
I’d started to question him again about what led to his funks. He refused to listen to me when I got around to questioning it, but I wasn’t letting it go. I wanted to know why I was putting myself through this torture. He refused to acknowledge that they even existed and when he did, he assured me they were nothing. He said he was getting better, but I knew they were growing more and more frequent. At the same time I wanted him depressed so I could help him, I wanted to protect him from its causes. I had to know who was hurting him.
He died, and that didn’t faze him in the slightest. But he had at least three funks just because of Dixon Bainbridge. But, somehow, he decided that we would go to find the egg ourselves. Some weird logic that proved he could beat Bainbridge in something.
But while we were there...he told me he loved me. God knows why he had to tell me then, when I was half delirious from the cold and about to face our most traumatic death yet, but he did. And I laughed, like the prick I am! Before things could get too much worse, Bainbridge and Black Frost and Barry, my polar bear friend came and interrupted our weird moment. Eventually, we escaped with the egg and went back to the zoo with Barry as our newest animal.
I fully expected Howard to lapse again, and I’d gotten good at guessing when it would happen now. But when I went to comfort him, Naboo stopped me with a half-hearted glare. “You’re the last thing he needs right now.” He informed me, before setting off to look after Howard.
I was left, tired and confused with no real clue of what I was supposed to do now. Howard had told me he loved me, and I had laughed at him. I wanted to talk to him, but I doubted Naboo would let me go visit him. So I hung about the zoo, had a long conversation with Bollo about everything but the one man who was on my mind. The next day Howard didn’t come to work, as I expected, but I was agitated and worried, just like I had been in the early years. When he didn’t come back the next day, I was extremely worried. I hadn’t let Naboo handle things since the Gun Incident, and all sorts of images were running through my head. I lasted until about midday, and then practically ran to Howards flat (okay, there had been a train involved the majority of the way).
I let myself in and he just watched me as I came and sat down on the bed. “N-Naboo wouldn’t l-let me come and visit y-you.” I stuttered out, upset by his blank stare.
“I know.” He answered calmly.
“I was scared.” I replied, trying to wriggle into his embrace. He just shifted over to make room for me, but so far we weren’t touching me.
“You shouldn’t have been.” He replied calmly.
“You tried to kill yourself!” this came out as a squeak, embarrassingly enough.
“That was years ago.” Howard brushed off.
“B-b-but...” I just started crying, wanting him to comfort me but afraid to ask for it. “I k-kept seeing y-you, d-d-dead all over ag-again.” I sobbed. I’d never told him that it had been me that found his body when he’d died. I hadn’t told him that it was still giving me nightmares when I wasn’t asleep in his arms. If he was entitled to keep his darkest thoughts away from me, I thought I had the same right. The thing is, I didn’t really like not having him know my insecurities, so he couldn’t protect me from them.
“I’m only dead on the inside, Vince.” He answered emotionlessly.
I sobbed harder then, because he still considered himself dead in some ways. I wanted to shuffle closer until he had a choice between holding me or falling out of bed, but I had the feeling he would choose the latter.
After an hour or two of me just crying, he sighed and pulled me into his embrace and stroked my hair. “You know, I hate you, little man.”
I sniffed pathetically, “You said you loved me.” I defended weakly.
“I know what I said.” He replied coldly.
It was so strange. His mouth was saying he hated me, but his arms around me and his hand stroking my hair and my memory-version of him was saying he loved me. I knew which one I wanted to believe, but I didn’t know which one was telling the truth.
He funked when he found out the zoo was closing, and I comforted him. He funked when Tony was dead, and I told him I’d always be there for him. He funked when he was kicked out of his apartment, and Naboo let him move into his. He funked when Hamilton Cork chose me over him, but I only found that out later.
I tried to help him out by giving him my favourite poncho, but even the undeniable power of the poncho couldn’t withhold his depression. I asked him to go to the doctor to get anti-depressants, and strangely enough, he did.
So then, I had to deal with this strangely chipper Howard. He was blindingly bright, so much that I knew he was putting most of it on. After my failed attempt at fame, I found his pills in the zookeeper’s hut while he went on another errant mission for Fossil, only to find out they were placebos. Howard was pretending to be happy, just to cheer me up.
I confronted him then, and he sighed before telling me he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. But this time, I wasn’t going to back down. “No, Howard. You have to talk to me. This is a serious issue and you’ve been struggling with it for at least ten years now!”
He gave me a bitter smile, “I’m fine, Vince. It’s getting better.”
“It’s not, Howard, it’s not! Please, just talk to me! What’s wrong? What are you really unhappy about?” I asked, before instantly realising maybe I didn’t want to know.
He seemed to be mentally arguing with himself for a long time, before he sighed and slumped. “I hate the zoo.” He answered. “I want to get out and do something different, but...” he slammed his mouth shut, as if afraid he was going to say something he didn’t want to.
“But, what?” I pressed. I had to know the truth, even if it was something I wouldn’t want to hear.
“I’m...well, one, I’ll miss you. And...and two, I’m afraid that nothing will change. That I’ll be stuck doing the same tedium just in a different location.” He replied quietly.
“Don’t be silly, Howard. You won’t have to miss me, ‘cause I’d go with you no matter where you go.” I replied truthfully.
“Why would you do that, Vince? I’m just a boring old jazz idiot.” He said.
“Stop that. You’re not boring, and we’re the same age! And you’re smarter than me, so if you’re an idiot then I’m an imbecile and where does that leave Fossil?” I tried to coax a laugh at out of him, but he wasn’t having any of it.
“That would leave Fossil as a retard in a blue suit that’s several sizes too small.” He replied tiredly.
“It doesn’t matter. I love you as you are. I’d go anywhere you went.” I told him.
Howard gave me a small smile, “You’ll have to leave me one day, little man.”
“But, why? Why can’t we stay together forever? You need me!” I insisted, “What happens when you get all depressed and can’t get yourself out of bed? We both know Naboo isn’t good enough.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Howard replied stiffly, turning away from me.
“Don’t start that again, small eyes! You do know what I’m talking about.” I replied angrily.
He sighed and surrendered, “Alright, Vince. Yes, I do need you. Sometimes, when I’m at my worst, you’re the only one who can make me feel better. I don’t need to tell you that. But you can’t have me dragging you down all your life – you need to get out, become a rock star.”
“We can do it together.” I announced, the idea clicking momentarily after I said it, “You and me! We can do a Jazz-Electro thing!”
“Nobody will like that, Vince.” He said calmly.
“Sure they will! I bet nobody liked Jazz until you came along.” I mused, ignoring his annoyed expression. “Please, Howard? We can get out of the zoo if you don’t like it here anymore.”
“But you love the zoo.” Howard looked at me. I could tell he was torn – he wanted and needed me, but he didn’t want to take me away from what I loved. Was that why he was still here?
“Fuck the zoo.” I remarked loudly. “You and me are gonna be famous Electrazz Musicians!”
Later that day, I handed in mine and Howard’s two weeks’ notice. Naboo insisted that Howard couldn’t be taken out of his sight for an extended amount of time, so I got this little apartment in Camden. Naboo’s flat (and the shop below it) were in Dalston, which wasn’t too far away, I suppose.
Naboo offered Howard a job in his shop to give him something to do during the day after they could leave the zoo. But there was just one more adventure we had to go through before we got to leave the zoo. Our band practice caused Ivan the Bear to go crazy, and we were forced to take him to the Zoo For Animal Offenders. Before we left, I could tell Howard was in the brink of a funk. I took him aside and gave him a hug in the Hut before we left. “We’ll be alright Howard. Today’s our last day, and then it’ll be you and me together forever, yeah?” I inwardly cringed at how couple-y that sounded, but if Howard noticed, he didn’t say anything.
He just nodded quietly.
I promised him forever, but I barely gave him a few hours. Particularly tired and crabby, I abandoned him in the middle of the forest. It was weird and whacky in the middle, but we ended up safe and sorry later. He waited until we were free of the zoo before falling into a funk. I cried parallel to him, not sure what he was crying about but knowing it wasn’t the same reason as me.
I cried for all my friends I’d had to leave behind. I got along with animals better than people for the most part – although people were drawn to me like months to a brightly coloured fluorescent light, animals didn’t expect much more out of people than food and the occasional grooming. I knew about the real world: people wanted you to do and be things that weren’t your natural behaviours, and they expected you to just do it and not complain about it. I didn’t know if I could survive in the real world, but I thought then: at least I’ll have Howard.
How quickly everything changed after that. Howard was busy working in the Naboo’s shop during the day, and I had nothing better to do than go to various shops in my spare time.
A girl told me my hair would look better a certain way so I changed it, and Howard told me he liked it better before. Another girl told me that this-and-that-outfit would look better that what I was wearing so I bought the ones she indicated, and Howard told me he liked my clothes better before. Everything told me I would be liked better if I acted this way so I changed who I was. Howard told me he liked me better before.
Pairing or Characters: Howince. Contains most characters from the Boosh World,
Summary: "Something we tried to keep secret from the word, for his sake and mine. Because somtimes, your darkest thoughts aren't the rest of the world's business. He only lets me help him, when he gets like this." Howard-Centric angst, basically. In Vince's POV.
Word Count: 2, 798
Rating: PG+13 for its dark and ansgsty-ness, plus some swearing.
Warnings: Erm...angst, but I think that's about it.
Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN IT. I just feel really bad for ruining such genius with my own angsty needs.
Author’s Notes: Part two. Hope you enjoy.
Part One
Time slipped away very quickly. Before I knew it, it had been ten years since I’d been working in the zoo. Things were back to a good kind of normal – Howard’s funks (I was still calling them that, but no longer in a bitter way) were only occasional things, and I tenderly comforted him when they came around.
But some of the best memories I have led to a funk, and maybe that’s because they led to the resulting tenderness, or because they were just highlights of our lives. Outside the stories you know so well, our lives were actually pretty boring. There’s only so much entertainment you can bleed out of a zookeeper’s life. Shovelling poop doesn’t make for the best storytelling.
Things really got interesting after Howard decided to grow a moustache, though I really don’t think his choice of facial hair had anything to do with it.
After defeating the Killeroo and exposing himself in front of all those boxing-enthusiasts, Howard slipped into a pretty low place. His deformity was quickly zapped away by everyone’s favourite Shaman, but the public shame wasn’t something that could just be zapped away. It didn’t help that jerk Jonny the Reach had to come through with his promise and knocked Howard on his face. He crawled to hide himself in his bed, but I wasn’t letting him stay there for too long.
Just because I felt like ice cream, I bought a very large tub of raspberry swirl and took it to Howard in his bedroom. He only had one clean spoon, so we were forced to share. To be honest, I didn’t particularly mind, and (despite his complains about germ transfusion) I didn’t think Howard minded either.
See, the thing is, after spending so long with Howard, having to comfort him in the completely backwards way of letting him hold me, maybe I was getting a little confused about my feelings for him at that point. I was relying on him for that embrace as much as he needed it for comfort. I liked Howard holding me, which would eventually lead to my taunting him just to inspire his funks and the results.
I could’ve, and should’ve been better to him right from the beginning.
But, regardless, it wasn’t just me who had the ability to push Howard into his darkness. In fact, pretty much everyone did. But two people had the distinct ability to do it quickly and efficiently, without too much effort: me, and the lovely but sickly Vittoria Gideon.
He had such pride the time he rescued her python, and I know he was still wounded about her unintentionally forgetting him. So I tried, so hard, to get her to remember his name. To call him by it just once, so he didn’t feel so hurt. I even went to the effort to get a large piece of card with his name written on it that I left in her hut and held up behind him whenever his name would come up in conversation. Howard assumed that her momentary pause and the squinting was just her trying to remember him through her tumour-taunted memory.
When he found out, though, he was crushed. I was in the ocelot enclosure, talking with Ursula, when he came in, looking so broken. “Gideon just spoke to me.” He announced.
There was so much hurt in his voice, I immediately turned to look at him. He looked like he was holding back tears. “And?”
“She was looking for you.” Howard answered bitterly, “She said ‘where that boy? The one with the fabulous hair who follows you around with your name on a peice of cardboard.’ Vince...” he paused, looking into my eyes, trying to find the truth there, “Are you following me around with my name?”
I looked away and swallowed guiltily, “Only when Mrs Gideon’s around.”
“Thanks a lot, little man.” He snapped bitterly, and he left.
That night, wrapped in his embrace as he shuddered and cried beneath me, he choked out: “Why did you do it?”
Another lie to ease the pain, “I know you love Gideon, and I just wanted to help her remember you.”
“Vince, Vince...” he mumbled into my hair, “she’s not going to remember me, and a sign with my name on it simply won’t help. She’s sick.”
“M’sorry, Howard.” I muttered sleepily.
“I know, Vince. I know.”
Sometimes, I didn’t come out of Howard’s depression in one piece. Some of the things he said were so disheartening that they even pierced my sunny exterior and hit some dark place inside me that was growing and growing with every new session. It was becoming too hard to just lie in Howard’s arms and let him hold me without wanting to do more.
I’d started to question him again about what led to his funks. He refused to listen to me when I got around to questioning it, but I wasn’t letting it go. I wanted to know why I was putting myself through this torture. He refused to acknowledge that they even existed and when he did, he assured me they were nothing. He said he was getting better, but I knew they were growing more and more frequent. At the same time I wanted him depressed so I could help him, I wanted to protect him from its causes. I had to know who was hurting him.
He died, and that didn’t faze him in the slightest. But he had at least three funks just because of Dixon Bainbridge. But, somehow, he decided that we would go to find the egg ourselves. Some weird logic that proved he could beat Bainbridge in something.
But while we were there...he told me he loved me. God knows why he had to tell me then, when I was half delirious from the cold and about to face our most traumatic death yet, but he did. And I laughed, like the prick I am! Before things could get too much worse, Bainbridge and Black Frost and Barry, my polar bear friend came and interrupted our weird moment. Eventually, we escaped with the egg and went back to the zoo with Barry as our newest animal.
I fully expected Howard to lapse again, and I’d gotten good at guessing when it would happen now. But when I went to comfort him, Naboo stopped me with a half-hearted glare. “You’re the last thing he needs right now.” He informed me, before setting off to look after Howard.
I was left, tired and confused with no real clue of what I was supposed to do now. Howard had told me he loved me, and I had laughed at him. I wanted to talk to him, but I doubted Naboo would let me go visit him. So I hung about the zoo, had a long conversation with Bollo about everything but the one man who was on my mind. The next day Howard didn’t come to work, as I expected, but I was agitated and worried, just like I had been in the early years. When he didn’t come back the next day, I was extremely worried. I hadn’t let Naboo handle things since the Gun Incident, and all sorts of images were running through my head. I lasted until about midday, and then practically ran to Howards flat (okay, there had been a train involved the majority of the way).
I let myself in and he just watched me as I came and sat down on the bed. “N-Naboo wouldn’t l-let me come and visit y-you.” I stuttered out, upset by his blank stare.
“I know.” He answered calmly.
“I was scared.” I replied, trying to wriggle into his embrace. He just shifted over to make room for me, but so far we weren’t touching me.
“You shouldn’t have been.” He replied calmly.
“You tried to kill yourself!” this came out as a squeak, embarrassingly enough.
“That was years ago.” Howard brushed off.
“B-b-but...” I just started crying, wanting him to comfort me but afraid to ask for it. “I k-kept seeing y-you, d-d-dead all over ag-again.” I sobbed. I’d never told him that it had been me that found his body when he’d died. I hadn’t told him that it was still giving me nightmares when I wasn’t asleep in his arms. If he was entitled to keep his darkest thoughts away from me, I thought I had the same right. The thing is, I didn’t really like not having him know my insecurities, so he couldn’t protect me from them.
“I’m only dead on the inside, Vince.” He answered emotionlessly.
I sobbed harder then, because he still considered himself dead in some ways. I wanted to shuffle closer until he had a choice between holding me or falling out of bed, but I had the feeling he would choose the latter.
After an hour or two of me just crying, he sighed and pulled me into his embrace and stroked my hair. “You know, I hate you, little man.”
I sniffed pathetically, “You said you loved me.” I defended weakly.
“I know what I said.” He replied coldly.
It was so strange. His mouth was saying he hated me, but his arms around me and his hand stroking my hair and my memory-version of him was saying he loved me. I knew which one I wanted to believe, but I didn’t know which one was telling the truth.
He funked when he found out the zoo was closing, and I comforted him. He funked when Tony was dead, and I told him I’d always be there for him. He funked when he was kicked out of his apartment, and Naboo let him move into his. He funked when Hamilton Cork chose me over him, but I only found that out later.
I tried to help him out by giving him my favourite poncho, but even the undeniable power of the poncho couldn’t withhold his depression. I asked him to go to the doctor to get anti-depressants, and strangely enough, he did.
So then, I had to deal with this strangely chipper Howard. He was blindingly bright, so much that I knew he was putting most of it on. After my failed attempt at fame, I found his pills in the zookeeper’s hut while he went on another errant mission for Fossil, only to find out they were placebos. Howard was pretending to be happy, just to cheer me up.
I confronted him then, and he sighed before telling me he didn’t want to talk about it anymore. But this time, I wasn’t going to back down. “No, Howard. You have to talk to me. This is a serious issue and you’ve been struggling with it for at least ten years now!”
He gave me a bitter smile, “I’m fine, Vince. It’s getting better.”
“It’s not, Howard, it’s not! Please, just talk to me! What’s wrong? What are you really unhappy about?” I asked, before instantly realising maybe I didn’t want to know.
He seemed to be mentally arguing with himself for a long time, before he sighed and slumped. “I hate the zoo.” He answered. “I want to get out and do something different, but...” he slammed his mouth shut, as if afraid he was going to say something he didn’t want to.
“But, what?” I pressed. I had to know the truth, even if it was something I wouldn’t want to hear.
“I’m...well, one, I’ll miss you. And...and two, I’m afraid that nothing will change. That I’ll be stuck doing the same tedium just in a different location.” He replied quietly.
“Don’t be silly, Howard. You won’t have to miss me, ‘cause I’d go with you no matter where you go.” I replied truthfully.
“Why would you do that, Vince? I’m just a boring old jazz idiot.” He said.
“Stop that. You’re not boring, and we’re the same age! And you’re smarter than me, so if you’re an idiot then I’m an imbecile and where does that leave Fossil?” I tried to coax a laugh at out of him, but he wasn’t having any of it.
“That would leave Fossil as a retard in a blue suit that’s several sizes too small.” He replied tiredly.
“It doesn’t matter. I love you as you are. I’d go anywhere you went.” I told him.
Howard gave me a small smile, “You’ll have to leave me one day, little man.”
“But, why? Why can’t we stay together forever? You need me!” I insisted, “What happens when you get all depressed and can’t get yourself out of bed? We both know Naboo isn’t good enough.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Howard replied stiffly, turning away from me.
“Don’t start that again, small eyes! You do know what I’m talking about.” I replied angrily.
He sighed and surrendered, “Alright, Vince. Yes, I do need you. Sometimes, when I’m at my worst, you’re the only one who can make me feel better. I don’t need to tell you that. But you can’t have me dragging you down all your life – you need to get out, become a rock star.”
“We can do it together.” I announced, the idea clicking momentarily after I said it, “You and me! We can do a Jazz-Electro thing!”
“Nobody will like that, Vince.” He said calmly.
“Sure they will! I bet nobody liked Jazz until you came along.” I mused, ignoring his annoyed expression. “Please, Howard? We can get out of the zoo if you don’t like it here anymore.”
“But you love the zoo.” Howard looked at me. I could tell he was torn – he wanted and needed me, but he didn’t want to take me away from what I loved. Was that why he was still here?
“Fuck the zoo.” I remarked loudly. “You and me are gonna be famous Electrazz Musicians!”
Later that day, I handed in mine and Howard’s two weeks’ notice. Naboo insisted that Howard couldn’t be taken out of his sight for an extended amount of time, so I got this little apartment in Camden. Naboo’s flat (and the shop below it) were in Dalston, which wasn’t too far away, I suppose.
Naboo offered Howard a job in his shop to give him something to do during the day after they could leave the zoo. But there was just one more adventure we had to go through before we got to leave the zoo. Our band practice caused Ivan the Bear to go crazy, and we were forced to take him to the Zoo For Animal Offenders. Before we left, I could tell Howard was in the brink of a funk. I took him aside and gave him a hug in the Hut before we left. “We’ll be alright Howard. Today’s our last day, and then it’ll be you and me together forever, yeah?” I inwardly cringed at how couple-y that sounded, but if Howard noticed, he didn’t say anything.
He just nodded quietly.
I promised him forever, but I barely gave him a few hours. Particularly tired and crabby, I abandoned him in the middle of the forest. It was weird and whacky in the middle, but we ended up safe and sorry later. He waited until we were free of the zoo before falling into a funk. I cried parallel to him, not sure what he was crying about but knowing it wasn’t the same reason as me.
I cried for all my friends I’d had to leave behind. I got along with animals better than people for the most part – although people were drawn to me like months to a brightly coloured fluorescent light, animals didn’t expect much more out of people than food and the occasional grooming. I knew about the real world: people wanted you to do and be things that weren’t your natural behaviours, and they expected you to just do it and not complain about it. I didn’t know if I could survive in the real world, but I thought then: at least I’ll have Howard.
How quickly everything changed after that. Howard was busy working in the Naboo’s shop during the day, and I had nothing better to do than go to various shops in my spare time.
A girl told me my hair would look better a certain way so I changed it, and Howard told me he liked it better before. Another girl told me that this-and-that-outfit would look better that what I was wearing so I bought the ones she indicated, and Howard told me he liked my clothes better before. Everything told me I would be liked better if I acted this way so I changed who I was. Howard told me he liked me better before.
Tags:
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-01-19 02:02 pm (UTC)this is slowly but surely killing me - in a good way
Howard told me he liked me better before.
awwwwnnnnnfglh;igk[pll
*saved to memories*
no subject
Date: 2009-01-20 08:58 am (UTC)thanks for reading and reviewing.
no subject
Date: 2009-01-19 06:19 pm (UTC)x
no subject
Date: 2009-01-20 08:58 am (UTC)thanks
x
no subject
Date: 2009-01-22 01:19 pm (UTC)You’re not boring, and we’re the same age! And you’re smarter than me, so if you’re an idiot then I’m an imbecile and where does that leave Fossil?
*g*
no subject
Date: 2009-01-22 01:20 pm (UTC)and that leaves fossil as a retard in a blue suit two sizes too small for him...or something to that effect =D thanks for reading AND QUOTING! I love you!
*blinks cluelessly* what's a *g*?
no subject
Date: 2009-01-23 10:21 am (UTC)