Lady Karma Part two (Howince)

[redgirlxx.livejournal.com]

 
Title: Lady Karma
Pairing: Howard/ Vince
Word Count: 3,461
Summary: How to Howard and Vince cope alone?
Disclaimer: I have no idea where any of this came from, but  this didn't happen. And this isn't intended to offend anyone. I make no profit.
Notes: Thanks again to the lovely el_gardner and thieving_gypsy  for their glorious beta skills and advice. 

Link to part one http://community.livejournal.com/booshslashhaven/790650.html#cutid1
I hope to god, for all man kind that this damn blasting cut is working.

Vince danced about frantically on the spot, before pulling at one of the furs on the bed, in a drastic attempt to preserve his modesty.

 

An almost unnaturally tall, thin woman had entered the room. She was dressed elaborately, in a long satin, scarlet shawl, with copious amounts of beads and necklaces hanging off of her slender neck. She had a creamy complexion, and the biggest set of amber-cat like eyes. Her hair was dark and long, elegantly curled and shiny. Her ears where pointed, as was her nose, giving her an elf like appearance.  She looked both startling and astoundingly beautiful. Vince was aware of the fact that he was gaping.

 

“Who are you? What do you want?” Vince demanded, eyes widened in uncertainty, he self-consciously shifted the fur more around himself.

 

“You’ve made a big mistake, taking me here, I know a Shaman! He’s very powerful and he’ll find a way of getting me back, and then you’ll be in trouble!”

 

The woman’s mouth quirked upwards at the side and she burst out into laughter. It was a warm laugh, not in correlation to her appearance at all. Vince had expected a cruel, cold laugh and when she finally spoke it was with a warmth and gentleness.

 

“Who, Naboo? That’s a laugh! I’m pretty sure Naboo’s powerful sentiments are only focused on his beloved hookah. Though, to his credit, he’s doing his best. I need to answer him actually.” She smiled guiltily, pulling out a long rose wood stick and muttering a few incantations. Vince watched, bewildered as Naboo’s lispy voice reverberated around the room.

 

“WHO IS THIS?”

 

“It’s your fellow Shaman and ex girlfriend!” the woman sighed rolling her eyes. “I thought you would have at least remembered my patterns. They are fairly unique!”

 

There was a resounding silence. “LADY KARMA.” Vince could hear the relief in Naboo’s voice and for the first time in hours felt comforted. The woman smiled.

 

“That’s the one! How you doing Naboo?”

 

“NEVER MIND THAT! HOW LONG YOU KEEPING VINCE? HOWARD’S HAVING A BREAK DOWN. IT’S REALLY INCONVENIENT. I HAVE PLANS.”

 

Sighing and rolling her eyes, the finally introduced Lady Karma, answered more seriously: “You know it’s not for me to decide that one Naboo. And we made a deal. You’re to look after Howard. It was a deal, yes, remember?” There was a long pause, and Lady Karma tapped her wand in confusion, wondering if she’d lost the signal.

 

Then finally: “YOU’VE NEVER MET VINCE, HAVE YOU? IF THIS RUNS OVER, I’M NOT HANGING ABOUT.”

 

There was a loud ringing and Naboo was finally gone. Lady Karma’s eyes had narrowed and the tawny colour had deepened. “You bloody well will!” she muttered to herself.

 

Vince, who had observed the whole of the above with nothing more than vague confusion, and indignation at being referred to as if he were absent, merely stood and scowled.

 

“Oi! Does that mean I’m stuck here? I was planning on going shopping with Leroy, a new range has just come out at Top Shop, I don’t want to go and find all the wrong sizes and shitty discards!”

 

Lady Karma raised her eyebrows at Vince’s temper.

 

“And another thing, since when did Naboo have a girlfriend? He aint never said, is this some kind of joke? Cause it aint funny! I aint got time….”

 

Lady Karma snapped her fingers, sharply. “Bloody hell, you don’t half go on.”

 

Vince just scowled, and shivered in the fur. “Ain’t there no clothes I could wear?”

 

Lady Karma nodded towards the wardrobe.

 

“There’s some loose, comfortable stuff in there. And don’t scowl like that! I could easily have you wonder about naked. You were the one who was thinking you’d never complain about clothing again, shortly after your arrival.”

 

Vince opened his mouth indignantly. “You mean you can read my thoughts! That’s well a violation of privacy!”

 

Lady Karma shrugged. “I had to review your condition, didn’t want you to come to any harm.”

 

Vince gasped dramatically. “Come to no harm, have you seen the state of me? I’m ruined. I nearly died you lunatic. Could you not have least beamed me straight into your castle? What was with all that lying on that lake? And those crows are wankers! Look at my feet!  Look at them!” Vince sniffed, eyes welling up and lower lip trembling.

 

Sighing, the sorceress slumped down on the bed and frowned. “Yeah alright, I may have taken it all a bit far. But your feet are okay now, look; I put a special cream on them.”

 

Vince gripped his heal and inspected his upturned feet; sure enough there was a flesh layer of pale skin spreading across the bottom. He grumbled half-heartedly and slumped down beside her, eyeing her sideways on, precariously.

 

“I ain’t going to heal the scars up here though.” He sulked, tapping his forehead. “I really thought that was it for me. I ain’t never felt like that before.”

 

Lady Karma smiled thinly. “Well, it was part of the test, that struggle. People are supposed to notice their own mortality at one stage; it keeps them in check as a human being - helps them to learn not to feel so precious about themselves. It’s called being humble Vince. That, of which, you’re severely lacking.”

 

Vince pouted. “Just because I don’t slump about moaning all the time. Howard can do all that rubbish, me; I’m just enjoying life.”

 

Lady Karma raised an eyebrow cynically. “Are you? To an extent I think you are, but you have no direct comparison. When have you ever really suffered since your days in the jungle? Have you ever wondered why you’ve always been looked out for in that sense?”

 

Vince blinked bewilderedly. “I dunno. I’ve just been lucky I guess.”

 

Lady Karma rolled her eyes briefly. “No Vince. You’ve been gifted. I gifted you when you were in the jungle. I had a moment of maternal brooding. I wanted to save you from bad luck. But it was a mistake; you’ve never received any karma. And now you’re in a bit of a state. You may not be aware of this to an extent. And this ordeal is for your own good. Now, get dressed sharpish, and I’ll lead you into your first test.”

 

Vince stared at the taller woman, baffled and contemplative, something unreadable dancing in his eyes. “You’ve known me that long? Do you… do you know who my parents are?”

 

Lady Karma swallowed and shifted uncomfortably.

 

There was a long silence.

 

“No… No, Vince. I can’t answer that question for you.”

 

For a rare moment, Vince looked downcast, before raising himself up and shuffling over to the dresser. Lady Karma pointedly turned her back to give him some privacy - to which Vince responded to with a snigger.

 

“I dunno why you’re bothering, you’ve already seen me starkers. You spread all that cream over me. Slightly pervy that, really.”

 

“Oh god, don’t!” Lady Karma yelled, covering her ears. “I don’t think of you like that!”

 

“Alright!” Vince muttered, put out. “Just to let you know, the cold was affecting a certain part of my body, if you know what I mean. Don’t let that put you off.”

 

“Shut up Vince!”

 

It was going to be a long day.

 

--- --

 

“What do you mean Vince is on another planet? What’s he doing there? Who was that woman? Since when did you have a girlfriend? Is this some kind of joke?”

 

Naboo was stirring his cauldron frantically, he’d practically dumped an entire weed plant in along with a load of flour and eggs and chocolate powder.

 

“Do you see me laughing? Just chill out yeah, Vince will be back in no time. Meanwhile I’m stuck with you so you may as well just accept it. Go and have a puff on my hookah. I’ll let you--just this once mind.”

 

Howard puffed his chest out indignantly. “Howard Moon doesn’t touch drugs sir! He’s a responsible citizen, no-no, you won’t catch me filling my lungs with that poison, no sir!”

 

Bollo, who was lounging on the sofa with smoke steaming out of hairy nostrils said: “Howard a square, he no know how to kick back.”

 

“Just because I don’t blow my mind every day and eat cakes, doesn’t mean I don’t know how to relax. I listen to my jazz, old Charley Mingus sets me straight, sir.” Howard glared.

 

“No he doesn’t,” Naboo deadpanned. “He makes you go into a fit and you judder around the room pissing everyone off.”

 

Howard sulked, too drained to continue trying to argue. It was a lost cause anyway; these people would never understand him. “I’m going to tidy up the bedroom, at least with Vince currently absent I can get a bit of peace to do it properly.”

 

“Howard no grope Vince,” Bollo muttered at Howard’s retreating back.

 

Howard grit his teeth and ignored him; he may be a frustrated virgin but that didn’t make him a pervert.

 

Even though he was assured that Vince was no longer in peril, it was still disconcerting to see his lifeless body on his colourful bed sheets. Naboo had explained that the sorceress had only beamed Vince’s consciousness to the other planet; therefore physically, he was still on earth.

 

Howard sighed and slumped down next to him. The argument last night was still fresh in his mind, and he remembered the way they had left one another, bitter and unresolved.

 

Vince was a pain in the arse, got on Howard’s nerves, but he was still company. Company that Howard was severally missing. Come to think of it, in all the time they’d known each other, they’d hardly spent a single day outside of each other’s presence.

 

Howard tucked the duvet further around Vince’s body and patted his arm awkwardly. It was a futile gesture, as Vince was totally oblivious to it. But it made Howard feel a bit better.

 

“I hope you’re ok,” he whispered feebly, tucking the pillow around Vince’s limp head.

 

“Howard!” Naboo’s voice yelled from the kitchen, and Howard rolled is eyes, lifting himself up and cracking his bones.

 

It was going to be a long day.

 

--- --

 

“If you fucking hit me again, I’ll scratch your eyes out.”

 

“Touch me and I’ll scream. Bollo will rip your head off!” Howard sneered at the man underneath him, his reflection glinting in the steely blue eyes.

 

“Can’t fight your own battles can you? Have you ever done anything for yourself?”

 

Howard should maybe have asked himself a few questions at that point. Like, why was he suddenly letting all of this out now? Why did he care so much? And most of all, he probably should have wondered why all this kicking and biting and rolling around with Vince was making him hard.

 

--- --

 

 

Howard almost gasped in amazement at the spread of food laid out on the kitchen table. There were plates of sandwiches, and numerous amounts of pastries and tarts. Naboo, wearing an apron, was pouring out steaming tea from an elegant china pot. He looked up as Howard entered, and answered the bewilderment in Howard’s face with a scowl.

 

“There’s no need to look quite so shocked. This is my best china, don’t be smashing none of it with your loose, jazzy hands.”

 

Bollo had pulled back a chair and had spread his paw out in a gesture of welcome, indicating that Howard should seat himself. Howard merely gurgled stupidly in response, feeling himself begin to choke up with unease.

 

“How unexpected can a day get?” he asked rhetorically, shaking his head as fumes from an oil burner  around the room, smelling of calmness and serenity. Even the thought of those two words made Howard snort feebly as he slumped down onto the chair. He sniffed at the tea in the little cup resting on its matching saucer, his moustache twitching, and narrowed his eyes warily. “This isn’t funny tea is it?” he asked, as Naboo settled the pot down.

 

“I dunno, why don’t you ask it to tell you a joke?” Naboo sniggered lightly, causing Howard to roll his eyes.

 

“I mean it Naboo, I don’t need my judgement impaired. Not if Vince is going to need my help any time soon. It isn’t fitting for a man of action to be anything else but totally focused.”

 

Naboo slurped his tea rather loudly in response and eyed Howard pensively over the top of his cup. For a few seconds, Howard -- not used to pro-longed eye contact -- shifted uncomfortably in his seat, wondering if Naboo was monging out. What the hell was going on? But then Naboo simply slipped on a pair of glasses with thick black lenses and settled the cup back down in to the saucer before crossing his arms neatly on his lap, lips pursed.

 

“So, do you always feel the need to protect Vince in some way? Or are your, let‘s face it, half hearted attempts at heroism merely a good way to cover up your insecurity?”

 

Howard gaped, staring around to find Bollo sat in a chair scribbling notes on to a pad.

 

“I’m sorry Naboo. Is this a counselling session?”

 

Bollo was sniggering quietly, but ceased immediately when Naboo cut him a stern look.

 

“Yes, Howard, I suppose it is; it’s been long overdue. And you can’t really count the whole business with Philip the kitten, since you still ended up punching a woman you actually fancied in the face.”

 

Howard blushed, but puffed his chest out indignantly regardless, folding his arms tightly, jaw set.

 

“I appreciate the gesture Naboo, but old Howard moon has no troubles of the mind, no sir. He’s as fit as a fiddle in all senses. So you’ve no need to go to this trouble.”

 

Naboo raised his eyebrows.  “You sure, because there are many reasons for which I am inclined to disagree.”

 

Howard scowled, twisting the skin on his left wrist with his right hand, almost unwittingly. “Well of course I’m sure! My surname may be Moon but I’m not a lunatic! I’m an eccentric character, born out of my time. The world isn’t ready for me yet. But that doesn’t mean I need help, I can cope quite fine on my own thank you sir! What makes you think I need your help?”

 

Naboo answered, a tiny smile dancing on his lips: “Well, for one thing, if you were at ease with yourself you wouldn’t be so bloody defensive and twitchy when asked about it. You’d be able to retain eye contact without them darting about the room all the time. And you’d speak about your feelings more often rather than just repressing them all.”

 

Glaring, Howard downed his tea and sat sulking in his chair, feeling like he was being unnecessarily scrutinised.

 

“Where did all this come from anyway? You don’t give a stuff about me, all you care about is if I’m working downstairs and paying the rent.”

Naboo shrugged. “That’s not strictly true, you just wind me up a bit. And to be honest, it’s not as if you actually pay any rent, or buy any food. I do all of that. You’ve got a fair deal really if you think about it.”

 

“Well then what about Vince? He does less than me! At least I actually do stock taking, Vince barely stays downstairs five minutes before he’s up here fannying with his hair in the mirror”

 

“Fanny…with…hair in…mirror,” Bollo muttered from the corner, scribbling on his pad.  Both men turned to glare at him in response.

 

“Can you even write?” Howard spat maliciously, hot around the collar, cheeks flushing at the Freudian slip. Bollo shuffled his feet sheepishly.

 

“I only told you to write the gist Bollo. Not every fucking thing we say. Have you been writing everything we’ve been saying?” Naboo sighed, rolling his eyes and then blinking rapidly as the glasses he was wearing were making them water. “How can you even keep up?”

 

“Bollo know short hand.” Bollo nodded proudly. “He been taking night class”

 

Naboo’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh really? Well done!”

 

Bollo beamed proudly.

 

“Heelloooo!” Howard snapped. “I haven’t got all day here. Can we just get this over and done with?” He was beginning to wish he was down stairs in the shop with Vince. At least he knew how to handle Vince’s prattling. At least with Vince he could feel a little bit more at ease.

 

“When’s Vince coming back anyway? We were going to sort out the display in the window today. You’re missing out on a whole days business.”

 

Pouring more tea into both of their cups, Naboo eyed Howard knowingly. “Let’s talk about Vince shall we? Now then, you and Vince; what’s the deal there?”

 

Howard blinked stupidly. “What do you mean? We’re friends. We work together. What does this have to do with anything?” Howard was beginning to feel odd; a bit more relaxed than he usually did, warmth spreading through his whole body.

 

Naboo tapped his cup sharply, and Howard drank without thinking about it.

 

“Well, you argued quite a lot lost night. That was a first. Want to talk about it?”

 

For a moment, Howard was inclined to brush the argument off, apologise about the noise, and let off a spelt of bullshit. But the relaxed feelings in his body, coupled with the fumes from the oil burner, were making him more spontaneous.

 

“He was annoying me. He kept annoying me, and I was tired. I wanted to talk about stuff with him. But he was being his usual scathing self. So I lost my temper. It wasn’t always like that, since we’ve moved here from the zoo he’s turned into this idiot. Always putting me down, never wanting to spend time with me anymore.”

 

Howard looked up self-consciously, he was still a little wary of this whole situation. Naboo nodded for him to continue, but Howard muttered into his lap.

 

“Go on, that was good Howard.”

 

“I don’t want to say any more. This is weird,” Howard grumbled.

 

Naboo sighed, scratching at his nose; the glasses were annoying him.

 

“What good does it do bottling it up? If you want to sort stuff out Howard you have to articulate. Now go on.”

 

Howard blushed, setting his gaze to the floor. “I…I don’t have anyone else to talk to. Vince is the person I’ve known the longest. We used to take the piss out of each other, and it was just light-hearted teasing. Now it’s all a bit one sided, and cruel.” He looked up, swallowing.

 

Naboo smiled. “You mean it’s always Vince who’s being cruel, or are you cruel to one another?”

 

Howard sighed. “No I can be nasty too, but the thing is, I know when to stop. He never does. He doesn’t even seem to realise what he’s doing, or what he’s saying.”

 

“And why does that matter Howard?”

 

Howard frowned and looked up. “Well of course it matters! It matters because…well it’s Vince, it’s Vince isn’t it?”

 

“And what is Vince to you Howard.”

 

Howard’s eyes narrowed, his ears ringing. “I’ve answered that one already Naboo.”

 

Naboo stared at Howard, unwaveringly. “No Howard, answer it honestly. And really think about it. What is Vince to you?”

 

Howard stared about the room quickly, seeking out a distraction. He was feeling a little weird and already embarrassed about what he’d said. “I should go and check on Vince, the airing cupboard needs airing the…”

 

“Howard!”

 

“He’s… he’s just…”

 

“Yes?”

 

“He’s… it’s… well”

 

“Howard!”

 

Suddenly, a rush of emotion hit Howard so powerfully his whole body felt like it had exploded in sound and gesture. Jumping to his feet he kicked the chair to the floor and practically roared the following, hands clenched above his head:

 

“HE’S EVERYTHING! OK? I’m nothing without him. He’s my everything. And that’s why it hurts, that’s why it fucking kills me when he acts like I’m nothing to him. Because, it means… that I am nothing.” 

 

Bollo, who had been dozing softly in the corner, had jumped about a foot in the air. Naboo was staring at Howard with his mouth wide open, looking both bemused and slightly guilty. Howard was now breathing rapidly, and trembling all over, deflating slowly.

 

“Right…well, bloody hell. I think we’ll leave it at that for a bit. Well done though Howard. Erm…have a strawberry tart.” Naboo pushed the pastry tray towards the other man and shooed Bollo out of the room, leaving Howard alone.

 

Howard watched as raindrops slid slowly down the window, and exhaled softly, tracing them with his fingers. “Where are you Vince?” he asked softly and broken, into the silence of the room.

 

--- --